Starting one step at a time...

Well where do I start. I really should be going to sleep now, but I feel I need to write a little to help me get through this process of things. Early Tuesday morning we put Zepplin down. It was time, we just helped her on her way. There is so much to say, I don't know where to start. I'm so glad I had so much time to prepare. I had the time to really grieve the loss of her while she was still alive. I'm glad because I would be a complete wreck if I didn't. Now I'm grieving her being gone from my life. It is more of a huge change in my life, than the loss of her. I miss her so much and I can't believe she is gone and I won't see her again. I have so many memories and so much love for her that it is ok. But for the past 14 yrs.+ I've been caring for her and spending my time with her. And now things are completely different. I'm so grateful for a wonderful man who has come into my life soon before her passing. It's like there was a shift. She was leaving and he came. I still hear her around- I hear noises and I'm used to hearing her- checking on her and making sure she is ok, she has what she needs, and she is happy. Although I have not had a child, she has been like my child in a way. I am content in knowing that it was her time to go, and I easily let her go. But I still miss her and I'm just adjusting to her not being here, and to letting go of that part of my life. Things are different and it will be good... I just have to feel what I'm feeling and go through the process of grief. I'm gotten angry, irritated, aggitated, sad, depressed, needy, insecure, and even lonely- even though for the first time I've felt not alone. Sometimes you don't feel things immediately. I felt numb at first and now it's starting to settle in. I'm so blessed for all I had with her, for her being in my life, and for all I have now and to come.