pondering and musing

Well it's a good day. But every day is a good day, even when it doesn't feel like it! : ) I've taken a trip to the dark side and have returned! Yea! It feels good. My friend Stonewolf asked if I brought back any souveniers? Well yes... what are they? Love, clarity, patience, passion, hope, trust, open eyes, presence, action, and a big ol' hug for myself and everyone else. So... I keep walking one step at a time.
Last night I met some nice people in Asheville and made a deal on my truck! Yea! I will sell it to them next weekend. That means I can start looking for another vehicle! Yea for life moving forward. Also I finally got a new laptop since mine died several weeks ago.... whew! Great to have!! Also..... my sister and her husband are having a baby!!! YEA!! I'm so happy and excited for them.
This is like an online journal for me at times... So a year and a half ago I decided to get rid of nearly everything I owned, leave Raleigh and go traveling in my travel trailer. I hit the road and ran into some obstacles... one being the trailer was a bit more inconvenient than I thought it would be. Another being I had so many places I wanted to go, and was trying to do it all at once- it was overwhelming. Another being I ended up realizing I kind of really wanted someone else to share it all with! I do alot and travel alot by myself, and enjoy it- but sometimes time after time it would be nice to have someone to share the really cool fun times with. So I ended up doing some traveling in Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Kentucky, Tennessee and North Carolina. Then I went to Costa Rica for a month. It was a great time for some exploration and reflection. Then it was time to move somewhere and I couldn't decide where. There were many places, but nothing really grabbing my heart and pulling me there. I was considering Oregon/Washington, Austin, San Antonio, Nashville, middle TN, Lexington, Asheville and Costa Rica. I couldn't decide, so I found a great little A-frame next to the woods in Erwin, TN, and decided to move there for a while until I figured out where is next. So... that leads us up to today. I'm here in Erwin,and my lease ends this month. My landlord called last night and wants to know my plans. Yikes... I don't know! I love the natural beauty here.... I really love it so much. I really find the social/community aspects of this town and nearby Johnson City to be lacking for me, and have realized how much I need/want this in my life! I feel alone. Now, I feel alone alot, but this is something different. Last night when I went to Asheville, I drove around downtown and there were SO many people! Fun people doing fun things. It was kind of shocking... realized how isolated I've been! I kind of forgot there was that out in the world, I guess. There are friends here that I have who are really important to me. The opportunity to be close to ceremony is hugely important to me. But... at the same time, I don't feel like I can live here every day, not feeling content, for ceremonies that happen every so often. If it all fit better, if I felt comfortable here and felt fulfilled in more than a few ways, it would be fine. But there is something lacking and I feel I need to be able give more of myself and receive more also. So... I'm thinking. My Vision Quest is in September, so I'll be here until after that as that is my focus for the time being. My friends are spread out all over the place- Tennessee, North Carolina, Kentucky, Ohio, Texas, etc. I'd like to live somewhere with a warmer winter. I'd like to have like-minded people around. So, we'll see.... any ideas or suggestions?

Well it's almost August 2009.... crazy.....
make the most of every moment!!!

here's a poem from my calendar for August:

"God and I have become
like two giant fat people
living in a tiny boat.
We keep bumping into each other
and laughing."

-Hafiz, Love Poems from God