August 25, 2009
On the road again...
The consensus is I like Nashville! It's a nice place- city but doesn't seem too city... saw a bunch of younger people, saw lots of places to go to things, nice park and greenway, etc. Yesterday I went to Bongo Java- the local coffeshop and roaster, walked over to the Turnip Truck- local health food store (local organic produce- yea!) then drove around the east side neighborhood (which was recommended to me)... then went to Shelby Park, walked for a while then sat by the river and tied some prayer ties for my Vision Quest. Then I drove around a little more, went to 3 crows bar to get something to eat- had seen it the night before and wanted to check it out. Today I think I'm headed back east... not really sure- feel like I've gotten a good feeling for the city... still not sure where I'll end up going when I go, but I'm feeling out the options. I need to keep my focus on my Vision Quest, and today is the last day of practice fasting.. it's a week and a half away!
August 24, 2009
Nashville Arrival
I've arrived in Nashville! I got into town about sunset- drove around for a while exploring. It was a beautiful drive here. I was going to stop in Knoxville first, but as I was driving through, I had absolutely no desire to stop! So I just kept going. Didn't know if I'd make it all the way to Nashville tonight or not. When I first hit Nashville I went straight to Broadway area- I had no idea where I was going, I just ended up there. There was so much music and people and lights, etc! I think I was in culture shock for a while. I was just driving slowly with my mouth open in awe of it all! It was exciting. I was going to stop and walk around, but decided to head to the hotel and get some rest and walk around tomorrow and tomorrow night. The minivan is great! I love it. I really like Nashville in the little bit I saw tonight- saw many beautiful old trees. Lots of music and creative people and wow.... it's really showing me what a hole I've been living in! It's funny cause I'm exactly where I was a year ago- looking at the same cities I was looking at a year ago to move to! Of course it's totally different now, but the same situation! I moved to Erwin and was going to take some time to figure out where to next, but just got real present and caught up in my job and home. But, it's like this past year has been in retrograde for me.... like everything was going backwards or something. I really learned alot over the past year about what I don't want.... and what I do want....so of course it was just perfect and now I know so much more and so much more clearly what it is I want for my life. I've been doing alot of praying and asking for guidance to help me find wherever it is I'm to go next.
Goodnight and sweet dreams to all!
Goodnight and sweet dreams to all!
August 23, 2009
Hitting the road!
Well I'm hittin the road... not sure where I'm going but I'm looking forward to it! It's gonna be good to get out into the rest of the world beyond Erwin and Johnson City! Gonna head westward..... towards Knoxville and Nashville... those are my thoughts at the moment. Any suggestions? I'm getting ready to leave now- hope to be on the road soon! Stonewolf is coming to dog/housesit (thank you!!). I'll post some of what I find!
Love to you all!
Love to you all!
August 22, 2009
August 21, 2009
Well well well...
Well well well... let's see... seems like alot has happened in the past few days... or maybe just time is getting wierd. Well, the store meeting at my work that I boycotted ended up being twice as long as needed, and a huge mess of arguments and disrespect. So... good thing I didn't go! The next night the building was struck by lightning! It knocked several coolers out, resulting in a loss of more than $10,000 of spoiled product! And the bathroom sewer backed up all over the floor! Crazy! Just goes to show how the universes and mother earth act to balance out imbalance... stuck by lightning!!
Yesterday on my way home from work there was the most beautiful big fat rainbow! It literally shocked me! The colors were so bright and clear. And then there was a big fat hawk on my street.
I have been looking at jobs in other areas and trying to find out more info on the different places I'm thinking about... and most of all FEELing what I want.... and speaking of that I just found out I have four days off of work in a row!!! Crazy! Of course I never get my work schedule until about 3 days ahead of time, so it doesn't work well for planning. I can't go anywhere far, but I can go on a road trip! I think I'd have to take the dogs... unless I can find a last minute dog sitter. So... off to Knoxville and Nashville? We'll see how it all comes together.
The crazy sketchy neighbors (who threatened to shoot me, my dog and my truck on the possum hunting night...) are finally moving out!! YEAH for a return to peace and ease at their home. Uhaul was here yesterday and again this morning... I think I will go over there after they're gone and talk to the energies there and try to help rebalance some. There's a huge need for that, I'm sure- probably more than I'm imagining.
I think I may need to find a home for Rosco...my 8 month old boy dog. He is wonderful and I really love him, but I think it might be better... not positive but thinking about it. He's a wonderful sweet loving dog and would need to be with another dog, and with someone he can snuggle with. I got him from the shelter when he was a baby- and I don't know what breed he is, but he's beautiful. If anyone knows of a great loving, safe home for him- please let me know.
Much love to you all-
Yesterday on my way home from work there was the most beautiful big fat rainbow! It literally shocked me! The colors were so bright and clear. And then there was a big fat hawk on my street.
I have been looking at jobs in other areas and trying to find out more info on the different places I'm thinking about... and most of all FEELing what I want.... and speaking of that I just found out I have four days off of work in a row!!! Crazy! Of course I never get my work schedule until about 3 days ahead of time, so it doesn't work well for planning. I can't go anywhere far, but I can go on a road trip! I think I'd have to take the dogs... unless I can find a last minute dog sitter. So... off to Knoxville and Nashville? We'll see how it all comes together.
The crazy sketchy neighbors (who threatened to shoot me, my dog and my truck on the possum hunting night...) are finally moving out!! YEAH for a return to peace and ease at their home. Uhaul was here yesterday and again this morning... I think I will go over there after they're gone and talk to the energies there and try to help rebalance some. There's a huge need for that, I'm sure- probably more than I'm imagining.
I think I may need to find a home for Rosco...my 8 month old boy dog. He is wonderful and I really love him, but I think it might be better... not positive but thinking about it. He's a wonderful sweet loving dog and would need to be with another dog, and with someone he can snuggle with. I got him from the shelter when he was a baby- and I don't know what breed he is, but he's beautiful. If anyone knows of a great loving, safe home for him- please let me know.
Much love to you all-
August 20, 2009
August 19, 2009
Stand Up
Martin Luther King, Jr. said in one of my favorite speeches of his "Stand up for righteousness! Stand up for justice! Stand up for truth!..."
I must speak to this...we're creating a bit of a spider web...as I was reading a friend's blog today and the question was posed about the true nature of the pirate, and the pirate within us all- I looked at my own life and pondered. Afterwards I went running- out in the country, the most beautiful cows and mountains rising up around me. The thunder was coming in again and it started to pour rain... and it is so wonderful to run in the rain. It just poured and poured. And as exhilarating as that is- it brought to mind the Pirate. I counseled with myself- what am I doing in my life? What am I standing up for? Where in my life am I not taking a stand for myself? I haven't been the pirate for myself lately- feeling stuck in a job and living in a place that's not best for my spirit. But I'm making a change now. Loving myself- one thing I realized in my preparations for the sweatlodge was that in my VQ preparations I had forgotten to thank someone- and that was me. I hadn't thanked me for everything. I'd thanked my critic and judge but hadn't thanked myself completely. Then I had a dream about that last night- about not judging myself. So there is one way I haven't been the pirate. I let injustice to myself by myself happen. Time to make a change.
Last night I took a stand, I had a realization and made a choice for myself. My job right now is one that has been a big challenge over the past year. One aspect of it I really love, the other aspects I have a very hard time dealing with- corporate structures and functions, etc. etc. Last night at 9pm we had a "mandatory store meeting". I live 30 min. away from my work and I'd already gone in for work and had come back home. I had a friend in town visiting for the night and many other things going on. As we cooked dinner and ate quickly and I rushed out the door with my pj-like comfy clothes on (my friend asked- 'you're wearing that to the meeting?' i said yes!). I took two dogs with me for the ride, got in the van and headed back down the seemingly long road back to work. I got about 5-10 minutes down the road before getting on the highway and said wait a minute- I don't have to do this!! they can't tell me what I do with my time and my life! this is MY life. This is my choice in how I spend my time- I work and I do a damned good job. So I'm going to give up everything that is important to me right now so I can rush there to sit and listen to bullshit and then come home late and miss my time with my friend and things that are important to me? I was also already very tired from the sweatlodge and healing the night before. I knew there would be no 'repercussions' if I didn't go- I wouldn't lose my job or anything. So I said a few obscinities and turned the opposite way. I was glad for my own inner pirate standing up for myself- and probably you'd have to know the whole story with the company, etc. to understand completely. But sometimes we get caught into ways of thinking or doing and get talked into how they want us to be and what they think is right or important- our inner pirate slowly sinks to the background.... not taking a stand for what is REAL, what is important, what is our TRUTH- whatever that may be. We all can live in any way we want- we have that freedom and we must stand up for it!! Don't get sucked into the bullshit! Bring on that impassioned roar. It may be a silly and small example but it was meaningful for me. A moment again of clarity.
So again today- what do I take a stand for? I stand up against injustice- against hatred and fear. I stand up against a lack of realness..... look at me, talk to me, be real- be true- be loving and even in your hatred and fear let the love start to soak in and see there is no need to hate and fear. In all of your emotions- be real! And of course I am speaking to myself as well! Sometimes I've learned it's hard to figure out what is the best approach in your piracy- at times the strong in your face approach is best- i've come to find many times a more gentle approach seems to open a door for healing. Depends on the situation.
Speaking of my job- I have realized one thing about moving- if I go to Chattanooga with the company, although that is the security of having a job- it's really based on fear. Fear that I won't be able to find a job somewhere else, so if I went with the company I'd really just be staying in my happy prison- and that's simply fear! So... that probably answers that question ;)
Speaking of spiders- I have a grandmother spider who made her home on some potted plants on my porch railing- so I've left them there so she could have her home (she seemed quite happy with it- made an extensive web home). I see her every day but I haven't seen her in the past few days. I did see a dead spider upside down in her web but it didnt look like her... I'm wondering what's going on. Today I did see a teeny tiny spider and another small one. I miss her though! I'll keep you updated! ;)
I wish I could post a song for each day. I'd like that. Enough rambling.
Happy new moon tomorrow- time for new beginnings...
I must speak to this...we're creating a bit of a spider web...as I was reading a friend's blog today and the question was posed about the true nature of the pirate, and the pirate within us all- I looked at my own life and pondered. Afterwards I went running- out in the country, the most beautiful cows and mountains rising up around me. The thunder was coming in again and it started to pour rain... and it is so wonderful to run in the rain. It just poured and poured. And as exhilarating as that is- it brought to mind the Pirate. I counseled with myself- what am I doing in my life? What am I standing up for? Where in my life am I not taking a stand for myself? I haven't been the pirate for myself lately- feeling stuck in a job and living in a place that's not best for my spirit. But I'm making a change now. Loving myself- one thing I realized in my preparations for the sweatlodge was that in my VQ preparations I had forgotten to thank someone- and that was me. I hadn't thanked me for everything. I'd thanked my critic and judge but hadn't thanked myself completely. Then I had a dream about that last night- about not judging myself. So there is one way I haven't been the pirate. I let injustice to myself by myself happen. Time to make a change.
Last night I took a stand, I had a realization and made a choice for myself. My job right now is one that has been a big challenge over the past year. One aspect of it I really love, the other aspects I have a very hard time dealing with- corporate structures and functions, etc. etc. Last night at 9pm we had a "mandatory store meeting". I live 30 min. away from my work and I'd already gone in for work and had come back home. I had a friend in town visiting for the night and many other things going on. As we cooked dinner and ate quickly and I rushed out the door with my pj-like comfy clothes on (my friend asked- 'you're wearing that to the meeting?' i said yes!). I took two dogs with me for the ride, got in the van and headed back down the seemingly long road back to work. I got about 5-10 minutes down the road before getting on the highway and said wait a minute- I don't have to do this!! they can't tell me what I do with my time and my life! this is MY life. This is my choice in how I spend my time- I work and I do a damned good job. So I'm going to give up everything that is important to me right now so I can rush there to sit and listen to bullshit and then come home late and miss my time with my friend and things that are important to me? I was also already very tired from the sweatlodge and healing the night before. I knew there would be no 'repercussions' if I didn't go- I wouldn't lose my job or anything. So I said a few obscinities and turned the opposite way. I was glad for my own inner pirate standing up for myself- and probably you'd have to know the whole story with the company, etc. to understand completely. But sometimes we get caught into ways of thinking or doing and get talked into how they want us to be and what they think is right or important- our inner pirate slowly sinks to the background.... not taking a stand for what is REAL, what is important, what is our TRUTH- whatever that may be. We all can live in any way we want- we have that freedom and we must stand up for it!! Don't get sucked into the bullshit! Bring on that impassioned roar. It may be a silly and small example but it was meaningful for me. A moment again of clarity.
So again today- what do I take a stand for? I stand up against injustice- against hatred and fear. I stand up against a lack of realness..... look at me, talk to me, be real- be true- be loving and even in your hatred and fear let the love start to soak in and see there is no need to hate and fear. In all of your emotions- be real! And of course I am speaking to myself as well! Sometimes I've learned it's hard to figure out what is the best approach in your piracy- at times the strong in your face approach is best- i've come to find many times a more gentle approach seems to open a door for healing. Depends on the situation.
Speaking of my job- I have realized one thing about moving- if I go to Chattanooga with the company, although that is the security of having a job- it's really based on fear. Fear that I won't be able to find a job somewhere else, so if I went with the company I'd really just be staying in my happy prison- and that's simply fear! So... that probably answers that question ;)
Speaking of spiders- I have a grandmother spider who made her home on some potted plants on my porch railing- so I've left them there so she could have her home (she seemed quite happy with it- made an extensive web home). I see her every day but I haven't seen her in the past few days. I did see a dead spider upside down in her web but it didnt look like her... I'm wondering what's going on. Today I did see a teeny tiny spider and another small one. I miss her though! I'll keep you updated! ;)
I wish I could post a song for each day. I'd like that. Enough rambling.
Happy new moon tomorrow- time for new beginnings...
Living and Living Well
George Strait says there's a difference between livin' and livin' well.
This morning I woke up in a dream that I was on "the bachelorette" (TV show) and was finding my husband... it was strange- never had a dream like that. I knew in the dream, as I know in waking time, that there is a certain someone I'm looking for. In the dream I knew that too, and he was there, but I was also afraid, as I am in waking time, that I may not find him. It's all a matter of trust and patience.... but sometimes that is hard.
A friend reminded me the other night that everything in our lives is already set up- will happen when it should, and there is no need to worry. For the first time in a long time I felt ok... it was different...and very freeing. And I am very thankful to him for that. Also today someone I know said her heart has so much to give and noone to give it to.... and I can totally understand that feeling. But the thing I've come to learn is that when you have alot of love to give, and you love to love- you have to find ways to love.... to love others, to love yourself, and to do things that you love and give you joy- whatever that is. I think this is alot of the point of life. Which leads me to a friend posing the question on his blog- What is the purpose of my life? Many times I've thought of this and it's interesting how the answer changes over the years. Growing up I thought it was all about career and work. And let me say first of all that I think it is absolutely unique to each person. For many people it is their career and I think often times what we are here to do comes through what we do... and many times that is in our 'work'. Everything has a gift- what are our unique gifts? What do we love? What lights us up and makes us ecstatic? What makes me giggle? What makes me cry? What am I drawn to? Whatever is right for you... for me I thought I had to have a job/career that was my purpose and that was the package it came in. Nowadays I see that it is in my every moment... it is in my interactions with others- in the suprising yet synchronistically beautiful moments with strangers, animals, other beings. It is how I ask to help others and myself- and those opportunities just show up. It is the people I have cried with at my job who I don't even know. It's the people I reach out to in love and caring, treating them as my brother and sister even when they don't understand. Doing what I can to give love and caring to anything that needs it. And also when you have alot of love to give, and love to love- sometimes people can feel very uncomfortable with that- why is this girl doing this? But I do what feels good, with respect for the other and myself. We are all related- we are all family no matter what, and for me it's living in the ways I know are beautiful. And sometimes it's a challenge- but that's part of it too. The the love and the hurt- both are part of it and I think they may just be the same- two sides of the same coin.
Now how does all of this rambling relate to my life and where I'm at? Well... I'm making choices in my life.... I am deciding where and how I want my life to be. This is tough, takes alot of trust and alot of thinking for me... what do I want, what is best for me. And I believe I'll go wherever I need to go for my life. Although I don't know where I want to go yet, I do know that I don't want to stay here. I have realized it is not fulfilling for me- I am not satisfied.... and life is too short, I don't have time to waste. As I told my friend Stonewolf the other night, I'm breaking up with this town- as much as I want it to work and I love certain things about it- I'm not fulfilled- my spirit is not happy- I'm yearning for more. So, that's a start. I have many animals and sometimes this can be a problem... and I love them all dearly but also would find homes for some if I needed to. For now I will see if I can keep the family together.
The other night I had my sweatlodge- it was such a beautiful experience. I'm so thankful to all who came together for the ceremony for me. It was a great healing experience, and I'm so thankful for all of the love and support. Everything is Alright. 2 1/2 weeks till my Vision Quest.
Beautiful day to you!
This morning I woke up in a dream that I was on "the bachelorette" (TV show) and was finding my husband... it was strange- never had a dream like that. I knew in the dream, as I know in waking time, that there is a certain someone I'm looking for. In the dream I knew that too, and he was there, but I was also afraid, as I am in waking time, that I may not find him. It's all a matter of trust and patience.... but sometimes that is hard.
A friend reminded me the other night that everything in our lives is already set up- will happen when it should, and there is no need to worry. For the first time in a long time I felt ok... it was different...and very freeing. And I am very thankful to him for that. Also today someone I know said her heart has so much to give and noone to give it to.... and I can totally understand that feeling. But the thing I've come to learn is that when you have alot of love to give, and you love to love- you have to find ways to love.... to love others, to love yourself, and to do things that you love and give you joy- whatever that is. I think this is alot of the point of life. Which leads me to a friend posing the question on his blog- What is the purpose of my life? Many times I've thought of this and it's interesting how the answer changes over the years. Growing up I thought it was all about career and work. And let me say first of all that I think it is absolutely unique to each person. For many people it is their career and I think often times what we are here to do comes through what we do... and many times that is in our 'work'. Everything has a gift- what are our unique gifts? What do we love? What lights us up and makes us ecstatic? What makes me giggle? What makes me cry? What am I drawn to? Whatever is right for you... for me I thought I had to have a job/career that was my purpose and that was the package it came in. Nowadays I see that it is in my every moment... it is in my interactions with others- in the suprising yet synchronistically beautiful moments with strangers, animals, other beings. It is how I ask to help others and myself- and those opportunities just show up. It is the people I have cried with at my job who I don't even know. It's the people I reach out to in love and caring, treating them as my brother and sister even when they don't understand. Doing what I can to give love and caring to anything that needs it. And also when you have alot of love to give, and love to love- sometimes people can feel very uncomfortable with that- why is this girl doing this? But I do what feels good, with respect for the other and myself. We are all related- we are all family no matter what, and for me it's living in the ways I know are beautiful. And sometimes it's a challenge- but that's part of it too. The the love and the hurt- both are part of it and I think they may just be the same- two sides of the same coin.
Now how does all of this rambling relate to my life and where I'm at? Well... I'm making choices in my life.... I am deciding where and how I want my life to be. This is tough, takes alot of trust and alot of thinking for me... what do I want, what is best for me. And I believe I'll go wherever I need to go for my life. Although I don't know where I want to go yet, I do know that I don't want to stay here. I have realized it is not fulfilling for me- I am not satisfied.... and life is too short, I don't have time to waste. As I told my friend Stonewolf the other night, I'm breaking up with this town- as much as I want it to work and I love certain things about it- I'm not fulfilled- my spirit is not happy- I'm yearning for more. So, that's a start. I have many animals and sometimes this can be a problem... and I love them all dearly but also would find homes for some if I needed to. For now I will see if I can keep the family together.
The other night I had my sweatlodge- it was such a beautiful experience. I'm so thankful to all who came together for the ceremony for me. It was a great healing experience, and I'm so thankful for all of the love and support. Everything is Alright. 2 1/2 weeks till my Vision Quest.
Beautiful day to you!
August 17, 2009
the Times they are Change..
Good Morning! The winds of change started blowing yesterday at my house. They started as a gentle whisper and turned into strong attention-getting gusts. I said to them- I know, I hear you- come with all of yourself- bring it on. Then the thunder started.
Last night I went to Asheville to pick up my new minivan... yes a minivan.... I'm excited about it- something I've wanted for many years... gonna put a mattress in the back. I've had the rental car for a week after selling the truck, so I'm just glad to have a vehicle and will soon have it all taken care of.
Tonight I'm having a sweatlodge... to help with my preparations for the Vision Quest. There are alot of preparations and since it's going back over every person, experience, guide and dream I've had until now (my whole life).... for me I feel there is alot of energy associated with that. And some of that energy is easy to release. Some of it takes a little bit more. So, I feel that the spiritlodge will help with this. Help me to move through the energy, say thank you- and continue with my preparations.
I need to cut my hair. It's getting really long.
: ) much love to you all
Last night I went to Asheville to pick up my new minivan... yes a minivan.... I'm excited about it- something I've wanted for many years... gonna put a mattress in the back. I've had the rental car for a week after selling the truck, so I'm just glad to have a vehicle and will soon have it all taken care of.
Tonight I'm having a sweatlodge... to help with my preparations for the Vision Quest. There are alot of preparations and since it's going back over every person, experience, guide and dream I've had until now (my whole life).... for me I feel there is alot of energy associated with that. And some of that energy is easy to release. Some of it takes a little bit more. So, I feel that the spiritlodge will help with this. Help me to move through the energy, say thank you- and continue with my preparations.
I need to cut my hair. It's getting really long.
: ) much love to you all
August 16, 2009
Where in the world?
Thank you to those of you who have offered suggestions in my decision for moving. I'm still not at any decision, but I'm constantly feeling it out. I really want to go where I'm supposed to- where my life is to be next (of course). At this point, I can go to Chattanooga, TN with my job as they're opening a new store there in December, so I'd have a job. I can move to Austin- I'd love to be closer to my family...but am concerned because I don't have a job and housing seems to be pretty expensive there.... and because of the animals I need a certain type of place and don't have a roommate. Other interesting places- Knoxville? Nashville? I'd like to avoid going anywhere colder in the winter... and Asheville is too cold for me. So... I'm feeling it all out, and although I need to make some kind of decision very soon, I am also waiting to see what happens. If I'm going to go to Chattanooga, I need to let my work know soon. If not I just need to let my landlord know when I'll be leaving. I think I'll take a trip out to Chattanooga this week to check it out. Blah blah blah.
Vision quest preparations are coming along... I think it will be here before I know it! I can't wait! Although I'm nervous, I'm really excited. It's been a long process and a long time coming. Thank you to everyone and your thoughts and prayers of support.
Vision quest preparations are coming along... I think it will be here before I know it! I can't wait! Although I'm nervous, I'm really excited. It's been a long process and a long time coming. Thank you to everyone and your thoughts and prayers of support.
August 12, 2009
etc.
will write more soon.... went for fun hike today to laurel falls... beautiful! still thinking about what to do as far as moving.... caring for newly neutered puppy... preparing for the vision quest... enjoying life.... hoping everyone is well out there!
August 2, 2009
Compliment Guys
http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWBbXA58PKI
I saw these guys on the news today.... was so happy to see people wanting to do and doing loving things..... these are two college guys, who wanted to do something nice for people, and stand outside and sincerely compliment all passerbys- strangers- and they do it because they like to and they want to make people smile. Now they are traveling the country doing it. When I was watching them I felt like I wished they could compliment more often on things that were not clothes, purses, etc- but I guess they find something as someone is walking by to compliment them on, and maybe that's the most obvious thing. And in the interview I saw they did compliment on other things besides clothes. Maybe this experience will help them to see other wonderful things in people besides their clothing. I do think it's great people are doing things to simply be kind caring loving and positive to others for no other reason : )
I saw these guys on the news today.... was so happy to see people wanting to do and doing loving things..... these are two college guys, who wanted to do something nice for people, and stand outside and sincerely compliment all passerbys- strangers- and they do it because they like to and they want to make people smile. Now they are traveling the country doing it. When I was watching them I felt like I wished they could compliment more often on things that were not clothes, purses, etc- but I guess they find something as someone is walking by to compliment them on, and maybe that's the most obvious thing. And in the interview I saw they did compliment on other things besides clothes. Maybe this experience will help them to see other wonderful things in people besides their clothing. I do think it's great people are doing things to simply be kind caring loving and positive to others for no other reason : )
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