Living and Living Well

George Strait says there's a difference between livin' and livin' well.

This morning I woke up in a dream that I was on "the bachelorette" (TV show) and was finding my husband... it was strange- never had a dream like that. I knew in the dream, as I know in waking time, that there is a certain someone I'm looking for. In the dream I knew that too, and he was there, but I was also afraid, as I am in waking time, that I may not find him. It's all a matter of trust and patience.... but sometimes that is hard.

A friend reminded me the other night that everything in our lives is already set up- will happen when it should, and there is no need to worry. For the first time in a long time I felt ok... it was different...and very freeing. And I am very thankful to him for that. Also today someone I know said her heart has so much to give and noone to give it to.... and I can totally understand that feeling. But the thing I've come to learn is that when you have alot of love to give, and you love to love- you have to find ways to love.... to love others, to love yourself, and to do things that you love and give you joy- whatever that is. I think this is alot of the point of life. Which leads me to a friend posing the question on his blog- What is the purpose of my life? Many times I've thought of this and it's interesting how the answer changes over the years. Growing up I thought it was all about career and work. And let me say first of all that I think it is absolutely unique to each person. For many people it is their career and I think often times what we are here to do comes through what we do... and many times that is in our 'work'. Everything has a gift- what are our unique gifts? What do we love? What lights us up and makes us ecstatic? What makes me giggle? What makes me cry? What am I drawn to? Whatever is right for you... for me I thought I had to have a job/career that was my purpose and that was the package it came in. Nowadays I see that it is in my every moment... it is in my interactions with others- in the suprising yet synchronistically beautiful moments with strangers, animals, other beings. It is how I ask to help others and myself- and those opportunities just show up. It is the people I have cried with at my job who I don't even know. It's the people I reach out to in love and caring, treating them as my brother and sister even when they don't understand. Doing what I can to give love and caring to anything that needs it. And also when you have alot of love to give, and love to love- sometimes people can feel very uncomfortable with that- why is this girl doing this? But I do what feels good, with respect for the other and myself. We are all related- we are all family no matter what, and for me it's living in the ways I know are beautiful. And sometimes it's a challenge- but that's part of it too. The the love and the hurt- both are part of it and I think they may just be the same- two sides of the same coin.

Now how does all of this rambling relate to my life and where I'm at? Well... I'm making choices in my life.... I am deciding where and how I want my life to be. This is tough, takes alot of trust and alot of thinking for me... what do I want, what is best for me. And I believe I'll go wherever I need to go for my life. Although I don't know where I want to go yet, I do know that I don't want to stay here. I have realized it is not fulfilling for me- I am not satisfied.... and life is too short, I don't have time to waste. As I told my friend Stonewolf the other night, I'm breaking up with this town- as much as I want it to work and I love certain things about it- I'm not fulfilled- my spirit is not happy- I'm yearning for more. So, that's a start. I have many animals and sometimes this can be a problem... and I love them all dearly but also would find homes for some if I needed to. For now I will see if I can keep the family together.

The other night I had my sweatlodge- it was such a beautiful experience. I'm so thankful to all who came together for the ceremony for me. It was a great healing experience, and I'm so thankful for all of the love and support. Everything is Alright. 2 1/2 weeks till my Vision Quest.

Beautiful day to you!