It's a Good Day

Tonight I gave my two weeks notice to work. It's interesting- it feels so good- it's been a long time coming- I've been wanting to since February. I've been a year at my job and it's been difficult- it's been a great lesson in learning to deal with difficult situations and to be ok with it. It started as one thing and turned into another. It was me giving everything I had and not getting much in return. What I did get in return was love and support from the really great people I worked with. It's interesting- it's like being in an unhealthy relationship- it's funny how you might try to talk yourself out of getting out of it- although you know with all of yourself that it's not right and not what's best for you- you try to wait and see if it will change- to see if it will get better- and sometimes it seems like it will, but it never does. That's exactly what it's been like. It was an unhealthy relationship. It was not good for me. It's that thing we've heard a thousand times... the definition on insanity. Now that I've told a few people it's interesting to hear their reactions.... some people have been so supportive and I really need that right now. Most people are shocked and wonder why..... and I wonder- have you been listening to me??? Maybe people just can't really understand unless they're right there with you. I don't know. But I so appreciate those of you who have given me love and support. It's something I've thought alot about- and it's taken two weeks to do it... I was ready to two weeks ago. Tonight at work when I was getting ready to do it, I started to cry. That was unexpected.... I realized that I've invested alot of myself into this job- into this store- into creating and building something successful and great. But, it didn't work out like that. So it's alot of letting that go. Also, when I moved here just over a year ago, I didn't know what I was doing and it was exciting to move here, and it meant alot to me to get the job. And, I've been very thankful to have had the job. But also it kind of consumed my life. And now I'm realizing there's a whole other world out there besides the patterns I'd been keeping myself locked in. So, it's a good day. It's scarey and I don't know what the future holds, but I have glimpses and I know what I want and how I'm going to create my life as of now. I'm going to keep walking and trust in life and myself...

change is in the air...

once again, change is in the air. had a wonderful weekend at the Wild Women Retreat at the Garden....we learned alot and had a great time. the past two weeks since my Vision Quest have been amazing- everything is changing and thank goodness!!! it's difficult at times and takes courage and commitment, but things are good. i'll write again when there is more to share.
my love to you all : )

The Fungus is Among Us

http://www.flickr.com/photos/girlonearth/sets/72157622275567249/

this is the link to my photos page on Flickr.... Just added a folder with some of the local fungi around here... not including all of the ones i've seen when i haven't brought my camera!

Well well well... I've been learning how to be in the world again....learning to bring who I am to all of the things I do. I could go into this more, but I'm going to make it brief for now. I went running yesterday and met a fairy by a tree- she was sad and lonely because noone visits her anymore- so I stopped for a visit. She told me to take the magic with me in my life. I've been having a struggle because I've been separating two worlds- the world I experience at work, etc. and the world I experience at home, etc. Although the two of course have some separation, in my life the two are combining.
As far as making any headway towards moving.... I have not come very far. A few questions have been answered- a friend who may have been moving to Asheville from Florida as a potential roommate is not ready to move yet. A friend in Asheville who had a place to rent for a few months is not going to rent it. So, two questions answered. Stonewolf and I are entertaining the possibility of renting a place together as we both need a place and both would like to share the costs. As much as I want to be near my sister in Austin I am really concerned about being so far from ceremony and the things that are really important to me. I need work that can be portable! So I'm working on finding ways to do that. I'm leaning towards Asheville- at least for the time being- since it's close to ceremony and friends, and there are job opportunites, housing, etc. Like minded people and fun things to do. I could stay here in Erwin and share the house with Stonewolf. I'm still not sure and am still torn with my sister giving birth in February- I'd really like to be there. So, we'll see..... : )

Post Vision Quest Experience....

I haven't written for a while- partly because I was very busy getting ready for my Vision Quest... and now it's a week after my Vision Quest.... and I've been busy adjusting to life as it is now! The Vision Quest was wonderful- an amazing experience, and really life-changing. It's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster since then- not anything too dramatic, just stronger feelings I've noticed. I'm learning to experience the world in a different way. It's nice. But it does take some re-adjustment, and that can be difficult at times.

At the same time I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with my life for the moment... my lease is up in my rental house, I'm needing another job, and I'm tired of living where I live. I love the natural beauty- but I need more. There are no job options here and I am far away from people, things to do and places to go. I'm torn between where to go, and I have many animals which makes it difficult to find a rental place. So.... I've been getting caught in the fear and panic thing- and working my way out of it. It's been a good learning experience. Choice is such an important part of this human experience- and I am grateful for the choices I'm given, even when it feels very scarey.