Well well well...

Let's see... where do I start.... this morning it was chilly!! I got to work and spent practically all day training my replacement... which is good but there is so much to teach and it can be a little exhausting! I really realized how much I do in managing the floral department- how much there is to take into consideration, how much you have to pay attention to, how much I've learned and how much I'm responsible for, without being recognized or paid for it. I do it because it's important to me, I want to do a good job, and I want it to be a good thing. I have a feeling they will begin to realize how much was going on behind the scenes once I'm gone. It's nice to feel like "wow, I did a good job".
On the way home from work my landlord called and let me know he'd rented my house to someone else and I'd need to be out by October 15th, or the end of the month at the latest. This came as a complete shock as I was under the impression Garrett and I were going to stay in the house. And I'm really suprised my landlord is taking this route. I don't understand it, but I respect his decision no matter how much I disagree with it. So.... Garrett is on his way here now with the uhaul trailer, coming from Raleigh. We're going to start looking for a place in or around Asheville, and hopefully we'll find a great one.

I went to the woods tonight and told them we were going to have to leave. I was sad to say this to them. I have really loved being there and loving them. I was really looking forward to the times to come. Hopefully we can find a place with some woods also. I think it's going to be good. I got sad and scared at first, but I know this is where life is taking me and I trust that things are happening because that's how they should. I am creating the life I want and this is part of it.

on the move...

Ok things are starting to move... and speaking of that, after much deliberation Garrett and I have come to a decision to be roommates in the house I'm already in- to just stay here for a while, maybe until the spring. We tried to rent the place next door, which is much more private, and one-story, but it's already rented. After trying to find a place to share in Asheville, and not finding anything so far, we decided to make a choice and just stay here where it's alot cheaper to live, and the animals are ok, over the winter. It will be good for both of us. So today I started major cleaning up and moving stuff around to move him in. The house is ok, but the stairs to go upstairs to two small bedrooms are very steep- it's like mountain climbing! I have to carry Petunia up and down cause she can't make it. It's hard on Zep but she's handling it ok for now. It will be nice to have some company and a good friend around. It will also be nice to split the costs! So I have a week and a day left at work... hopefully it will go quickly and easily. It's been a bit of a challenge with management who lack people and communication skills, and sometimes I think simply human skills (not to get judgemental). Once that is done the road is open for me. I cannot wait for this change. I've never experienced this with a job before.... and it's been a great lesson in learning to stick with it and be ok in the midst of what is not ok. But it's also come to a point of doing what is good for me, what is healthy and supportive for me. So that's also a good lesson. I'm going to be making a road trip to Texas to visit my sister and her husband, my mom, dad, grandmother and brother. I'm looking forward to it. I also hope to make a trip to Kentucky to visit friends.
A Grandmother gave me a book at my Vision Quest called The Laws of Spirit by Dan Millman. It's a small book and I've found it to be great so far. I was reading one part about choice. It was talking about how important it is for us as humans to have a choice in what we do. When we feel trapped and feel as if we have no choice, it totally changes how we feel, how we view the situation, and how we react to it. When we feel trapped and feel like we have no choice, we can be resistant. It's important for us to recognize that we have a choice and we can say no. Sometimes when we just really realize that we CAN say no, we no longer feel trapped and are able to be much more present and do what is best for us. I think this is important and it's important to remember. Are you in a situation where you feel trapped? Something that you feel is not right for you and you can't get out of it? You do have a choice, no matter what. You can say yes or no, and it's up to you.

It's a Good Day

It's true- it's a good day. I remember hearing stories of Sky Willow telling her children "It's a good day! Let's do ______". A woman who is into affirmations says "Today is one of the best days of my life!" in the morning when she wakes up. I like to remember that!

I'd like to go to some places with someone someday... I've been seeing pictures and videos lately and it looks just beautiful. Oregon. the Redwoods, Sequoias. Sitka, Alaska. Many others- that's all I can think of this early in the morning.

I'm hoping you all are well out there!

thank you Michael

this one is for my friend, Father Dave- miss you...

It's a Good Day

Tonight I gave my two weeks notice to work. It's interesting- it feels so good- it's been a long time coming- I've been wanting to since February. I've been a year at my job and it's been difficult- it's been a great lesson in learning to deal with difficult situations and to be ok with it. It started as one thing and turned into another. It was me giving everything I had and not getting much in return. What I did get in return was love and support from the really great people I worked with. It's interesting- it's like being in an unhealthy relationship- it's funny how you might try to talk yourself out of getting out of it- although you know with all of yourself that it's not right and not what's best for you- you try to wait and see if it will change- to see if it will get better- and sometimes it seems like it will, but it never does. That's exactly what it's been like. It was an unhealthy relationship. It was not good for me. It's that thing we've heard a thousand times... the definition on insanity. Now that I've told a few people it's interesting to hear their reactions.... some people have been so supportive and I really need that right now. Most people are shocked and wonder why..... and I wonder- have you been listening to me??? Maybe people just can't really understand unless they're right there with you. I don't know. But I so appreciate those of you who have given me love and support. It's something I've thought alot about- and it's taken two weeks to do it... I was ready to two weeks ago. Tonight at work when I was getting ready to do it, I started to cry. That was unexpected.... I realized that I've invested alot of myself into this job- into this store- into creating and building something successful and great. But, it didn't work out like that. So it's alot of letting that go. Also, when I moved here just over a year ago, I didn't know what I was doing and it was exciting to move here, and it meant alot to me to get the job. And, I've been very thankful to have had the job. But also it kind of consumed my life. And now I'm realizing there's a whole other world out there besides the patterns I'd been keeping myself locked in. So, it's a good day. It's scarey and I don't know what the future holds, but I have glimpses and I know what I want and how I'm going to create my life as of now. I'm going to keep walking and trust in life and myself...

change is in the air...

once again, change is in the air. had a wonderful weekend at the Wild Women Retreat at the Garden....we learned alot and had a great time. the past two weeks since my Vision Quest have been amazing- everything is changing and thank goodness!!! it's difficult at times and takes courage and commitment, but things are good. i'll write again when there is more to share.
my love to you all : )

The Fungus is Among Us

http://www.flickr.com/photos/girlonearth/sets/72157622275567249/

this is the link to my photos page on Flickr.... Just added a folder with some of the local fungi around here... not including all of the ones i've seen when i haven't brought my camera!

Well well well... I've been learning how to be in the world again....learning to bring who I am to all of the things I do. I could go into this more, but I'm going to make it brief for now. I went running yesterday and met a fairy by a tree- she was sad and lonely because noone visits her anymore- so I stopped for a visit. She told me to take the magic with me in my life. I've been having a struggle because I've been separating two worlds- the world I experience at work, etc. and the world I experience at home, etc. Although the two of course have some separation, in my life the two are combining.
As far as making any headway towards moving.... I have not come very far. A few questions have been answered- a friend who may have been moving to Asheville from Florida as a potential roommate is not ready to move yet. A friend in Asheville who had a place to rent for a few months is not going to rent it. So, two questions answered. Stonewolf and I are entertaining the possibility of renting a place together as we both need a place and both would like to share the costs. As much as I want to be near my sister in Austin I am really concerned about being so far from ceremony and the things that are really important to me. I need work that can be portable! So I'm working on finding ways to do that. I'm leaning towards Asheville- at least for the time being- since it's close to ceremony and friends, and there are job opportunites, housing, etc. Like minded people and fun things to do. I could stay here in Erwin and share the house with Stonewolf. I'm still not sure and am still torn with my sister giving birth in February- I'd really like to be there. So, we'll see..... : )

Post Vision Quest Experience....

I haven't written for a while- partly because I was very busy getting ready for my Vision Quest... and now it's a week after my Vision Quest.... and I've been busy adjusting to life as it is now! The Vision Quest was wonderful- an amazing experience, and really life-changing. It's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster since then- not anything too dramatic, just stronger feelings I've noticed. I'm learning to experience the world in a different way. It's nice. But it does take some re-adjustment, and that can be difficult at times.

At the same time I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with my life for the moment... my lease is up in my rental house, I'm needing another job, and I'm tired of living where I live. I love the natural beauty- but I need more. There are no job options here and I am far away from people, things to do and places to go. I'm torn between where to go, and I have many animals which makes it difficult to find a rental place. So.... I've been getting caught in the fear and panic thing- and working my way out of it. It's been a good learning experience. Choice is such an important part of this human experience- and I am grateful for the choices I'm given, even when it feels very scarey.