the Times they are a Changin'....

I'm making a change with this blog. There is a point to it. I'm exploring a new area where I live, and I'm going to write about those experiences. I'm exploring a new area, new towns, and doing new things. I will share what I find in hopes maybe others can benefit from it, or at least find a little entertainment out of it.

So, last weekend my friend Andrew came for a visit and we took a drive along the Blueridge Parkway. We started near Weaverville, NC and headed north/east. It is a beautiful drive with amazing vistas (as they call them) and views of the mountains and valleys. We stopped at Craggy Gardens and hiked up the mountain (not a long hike). The trail was beautiful with these amazing trees that looked like they and the forest were out of a movie. The feeling that elves and gnomes and fairies were about to peek out at any moment was prevalent. I'm sure they were there anyways. It was just that type of a place. The view from the top was amazing. I was more impressed with it than I thought I'd be. We continued on for a while and got off at the Spruce Pine exit. There at the museum/rest stop we met a father and son, Andy and Zach who were ending their first day of a motorcycle trip from Virginia Beach to California. They recommended their friends' new restaurant in Spruce Pine called the Knife and Fork. We decided to head there and have a glass of wine since we weren't really ready for dinner yet. From the outside, we thought the restaurant looked a little uninviting... maybe a bit uncomfortable. But, we went on in to try it out. Once we got inside the feel was very different. It was comfortable and inviting, and the people were really nice. We ordered a bottle of their cheapest wine (lol) and were served an excellent wine called Notro. It was a red wine, with a little lighter body, and complex flavor (wow, I'm a wine critic..). I really liked it. I can't wait to go back and have dinner there one night... it's a great and valuable addition to the area, and especially for Spruce Pine. I'm going to recommend it whenever I can!

Today I went to the little old river town of Marshall, NC. It's a few miles down the river from my house. I went to the coffee shop to work on some business and wwas greeted by a spontaneous gathering of bluegrass-like, old-time young musicians. What gorgeous music, and what talent. There are people of all types here, good food and good coffee. It makes me think maybe I would like to live in a tiny old town. (I found out the band playing was Spring Creek from Colorado... look for their website on the "Links" box...)

My poor long lost blog. Silly little thing. I really don't even know why I have you at this point. You were very helpful when I was travelling, but now... you just seem kind of strange. So, I may be letting you go. :)

All is well here for anyone who reads this! I've been feeling a little funky over the past week, but I think that's due to lots of pollen in the air, lots going on in the cosmos, the continued job hunt, etc. I finally got a part time job and I start later this week. Still on the hunt for another part time job. Still trying to work with dogs during this last six months of school. Spring is here, the flowers are blooming. The vegetable garden is planted with some more plants started the other day. I guess I feel a little funny because where I live feels temporary. I wish it were more permanent, at least I wish it didn't feel so temporary. I went ahead and planted a garden, which I really wanted to do. But it wasn't well planned out or prepared for since I didn't know if I'd even be in this place for the full season. With as much moving around as I've done, there's nothing I hate more than starting a garden and having to leave it in the middle of the season. So, I'm excited to see how it goes. I'd really like to get a few chickens, but I'm not sure I have enough room or a good enough situation for them. I think I probably do, I just don't know if it's what is best right now.

I've really been slacking on my "one new thing every week" deal..... yikes... I think I need to make up for the past two weeks. Maybe I can do that this weekend :)

And...

Well, well well.... it's been nearly a month since my last post. I sure haven't been here much lately. I think I'm at a point where I can be a little more... there was quite an adjustment after coming home from Los Angeles. I'm not sure if I wrote this in an earlier post or not, but part of why I was avoiding writing here is because I was offered a job at the school in L.A., and I was working through my decision on that. I usually keep things to myself until I know for myself what I want inside of me. It's too easy to get influenced by others' opinions. Now, I did tell a few of those closest to me, and who I was able to talk to, about it. So, when I was there in L.A. I decided I would take the job, as I needed to make a decision. Then by the end of school I was having hesitations, and then once I got home it became quickly very clear that it was best for me to stay here where I am in NC for the time being. I know it was a great opportunity, but it didn't feel right. There were many reasons, and I'm really happy with the decision I made. Now it's on to finding a job for the meantime while I practice working with dogs. I think I'll stay here in my little trailer in the country probably until the fall... then we'll see.

Spring is here and it came immediatley... it went from winter to HOT! Crazy. But now it's evening out and so nice to see the changes... the birds are singing, plants are starting to grow, trees are starting to leaf out, it's warm (halleloujah) and much more enjoyable.

The dogs are doing well... Zeppelin has started to look a little older in the past week or so. There is just an old look in her eyes. She is generally as happy as she usually is, with a few grumpier times. She's a little stiffer and the hair around her nose has turned whiter. I love her. Petunia has lost some weight (thank goodness, and thanks so half diet food and a regulated amount). She's been much more expressive (talkative) and excited lately- I think the weight loss is helping her to feel better. Schmug is up for a new name... any suggestions? He's growing a little bigger, filling out a little, learning manners and how to bring his excitement down a little when he gets real worked up. He loves the horses in the pasture. He stares at them out the window all day. The cats are doing well, the kittens are growing up and Iz is outside most of the time now that it's warmer except for naps inside (they all are).

I'm so excited that the ceremony season is here and there are times to be together with community... Rainbow Eagle is coming this weekend for teachings, at the Garden and he's to speak and give the opening ceremony at the Coptic Conference. Spring Ceremony is next month. :)

Well, not too interesting, but that's what I've got to write today... I'll write again with more of other subjects....

I hope you all are well out there.... :)

the return...

Well gosh, I thought I'd be writing about all kinds of stuff during my time at Dog Psychology School. I found out early on that there was too much that was happening, and too fast, to be able to write about it. I didn't even have time to process it, let alone tell anyone else about it. Then, there were some difficult experiences and I didn't want to write about my initial reactions to them, as they were negative. I didn't want to write about my teacher or his school in a negative way on the web. I knew I was in the middle of it and could write from a better perspective after it was all over with. So... now that begins!

I was in Los Angeles for about 5 weeks, living in a hotel room with a small kitchen, with no car but a bike that I was so thankful for! During school I went on many client consultations with my teacher, observing him, the dogs and the clients in action. Many of the days at school were spent walking dogs and practicing what I'd learned from staff members and from the client visits. I thought I'd be working with my teacher and dogs in a hands-on manner all the time, but that was not the case. I learned alot from seeing the same things over and over. Although they were always the same things in different contexts, it helped to reinforce what I was learning to see it again and again. I walked many dogs nearly every day, especially after the first week and a half, I think. I was probably walking approx. 10 miles a day. This is also why I was so happy to have the bike to ride to and from the hotel, to the grocery store, etc.

...to be continued...

time, time, time....

Well, it's Saturday morning... and there is very little time for anything else than school. I'd really like to write more about what's been going on here, but I have not had time yet. Last weekend I worked on Saturday with the dogs, this weekend I am going to Ojai, CA to visit my grandmother. I am getting ready to leave now, and my plan is to have time tomorrow to write here and catch up with people. Things are taking priority over free time! But, all is well and I know everything that is taking priority is very important. I will probably spend more time writing here after school is over. This has been an amazing experience. It's been a flooding of experiences, which is partly why I can't write much now. I am too much in the middle of everything. I am grateful to my teacher. I am grateful for everything that has brought me here. I am grateful for all of the love, support and encouragement from everyone who has been a part of this experience. Even though I haven't been in touch, you all have been in my thoughts everyday.

almost halfway through...

Gosh, I thought I'd be writing alot more here. Someday I'll be able to catch up. Things have been so busy.... all I've had time for is school, homework, dinner, sleep, school, homework, dinner, sleep- over and over again. It's the second weekend- I was able to work for part of the day yesterday at the center, and I have today off. I have a good amount of homework to do, but I need to do something relaxing also. I think I might bike over to the ocean, it's not too far away. I'd like to get iin some nature. The nice thing about this city is that there is a descent amount of green around- it's a big sprawling city, but there are trees and greenary, birds, etc. And, the climate allows for flowers and green in the winter (even though it feels nothing like winter...).

So, as far as school goes- I've been learning so much about myself- and about the dogs. I've been learning about the things that have been holding me back, my issues with anxiety, nervousness, feeling like something is wrong with me, I'm not good enough, I'm not able to do things. My teacher has been an immense help and I am so grateful for all he's done. With the dogs, I've been having to relearn everything. I've had to let go of everything I've known, except for my instincts. I've had to let go of my attachments to my own dogs, because even though we've been living together better than it could be, things have been out of balance, and I know that for sure now. There is a basic need for dogs, and that is for someone to be in control. When the human is not in control, the dog feels it needs to be. This is what causes the imbalance. So, I can't wait to get home and change everything with them so I can give them the best life possible. I've had to let go of my attachments to my dogs and what I've projected on them. OF course I'm only doing this at a distance right now. It's going to take alot of discipline on my part when I return home. But I can't wait. I also can't wait to help people and to help dogs. I am starting to see how much I will be able to help and change lives, simply from what I've seen with my own life.

I can't believe the month is almost halfway over.... that makes me really sad. I don't want to leave. I mean, I want to be home with my critters, but I like it here and I don't want it to end. This has been an amazing experience. That's all I've got time to write for now.... will write again when there is time... I hope you all are well!

Ahhh.....

Well it's nearly a week after I last wrote here.... and I'm not even going to write much for now. It's been an intense, exhausting week. It's Saturday, and I slept and had a head full of dreams... and now am completely ready to rest. I need it. So much happened this week I need to rest now. It was a great week, although alot of it was not fun. I will explain more later. It was very challenging and I learned alot. It seems to be a warm weekend here... I will go and have some lunch somewhere, and hope to see don Miguel Ruiz speak not too far from where I am. I've been doing ALOT of walking, and may try to buy a bike to use while I'm here. I will write more once I've had some time to relax. I am very grateful for this experience. I hope you all are well out there! Much love and sun and breezes from California!

Sunny Sunday

It was a great day today.... sunny and warm! What a change! There are mountains I can see from here! I didn't even know they were there because of all of the clouds and rain! Today I went running, then drove out to the forest.... when I got to the forest the road was closed due to the storms they've had. That was a little disappointing, but ok. I know I'll be back. The mountains out there and landscape were beautiful. Then I returned the rental car and walked back to the hotel. I'm getting ready for bed now.. school starts in the morning! I'm a little nervous, but not as nervous as I thought I'd be. I've really been working on that and some other stuff. It's good.... so that's all I can write for today, hope to write more tomorrow. I don't know anything about what's going to happen tomorrow, so I'm anxious to find out! I'm ready to get this started. I hope you all are well out there... :)

Hello, Los Angeles

I have arrived in Los Angeles... got here Thursday night and have been recuperating from the stress of packing and getting everything ready to leave (I finally realized why I am nearly always packing up until the very last minute...because I absolutely hate it!), from the stress of travelling- airports, airplanes, etc. (I tend to absorb stuff like a sponge), dehydration, exhaustion and a time change. Whew! I wasn't expecting to feel so hit by it. Friday I drove around the area, did some grocery and supply shopping, and am now ready for a salt and soda bath (energy clearing) and sleep. I drove to Marina del Ray after I got here, and Friday I drove to Venice. It's been raining all day today, so I wasn't able to see much or do much, but I have been getting accustomed to the area, what's around, etc. So far, although I haven't experienced much, I seem to like it here. There are alot of people, and there is alot of stuff around, but it's not bad. There are alot of pretty people, alot of personal expression which is nice, alot of stylish people, and alot of racial diversity. School starts Monday and I'm really excited, and getting a little nervous. I can't believe it's almost here. Now I'm really glad I came a few days early so I could have some time to adjust and explore a little. It would have been a little nicer if it was sunny and warm, but rainy and pretty warm is good too.

Yesterday I went to Venice Beach... it was nice... it was wonderful to see the beautiful ocean. I love the ocean. It was pretty cloudy and the rain had just ended, and it was a little cool, but it was nice to see the ocean and walk around Venice Blvd. for a few minutes. I can imagine what it must be like in the warm weather there. Today (Sunday) it looks like it is going to be a nice sunny day.... I will go for a short run, then possibly take a drive out to the forest. I'm just going to try to take it easy as school starts tomorrow.

I've had some interesting dreams in the last few days, some animals coming to me, and told to watch out for signs- they're very important. I hope everyone out there is doing well, and everyone in the northeast is staying warm and safe in the snow.... and I hope my sister Amanda and brother in law Garrett are doing well in anticipation of their daughter's birth. I'm thinking about you both all the time. I hope to post some pictures this evening. Much love to you all....

p.s.

I am so thankful for everything in my life, and everything that comes to me to help support me in living the best life I can.

It is easy to see who your real friends are, and who really loves and cares about you. It is those who show up when you need them, those who come out and give a little nudge of love from time to time, and those who are a steady stream of love. I am grateful to have such wonderful, beautiful people in my lif who care for me. I am also grateful to see the difference, and be able to lovingly let go of those who my love is not received by.

~mitakyue oyasin~
love and gratefulness to all my relations

what an experience...

Zeppelin's surgery went well, but she's had some complications since then. She seemed to be in alot of pain from the time I picked her up from the vet and all through the night. She was constantly panting, shaking and whining. And I mean constant. I took her to the emergency vet at 10pm and they gave her more pain meds. When we got home, she finally slept from 1am to 4am, and then woke up again with the same symptoms. I waited until 5am to give her a pain pill and it made no difference. We were up until we could get to the vet at 8am. They wanted us to wait to see the doctor since her not reacting to the pain medicine could mean something else was going on. So, the vet prescribed more pain meds and said it was a blood clot in her lungs, a complication from the anesthesia during surgery. It would take a few days for her body to absorb the clot, and it would just be managing the pain for that time. Her surgery incision wasn't even sore to the touch, so that was not the problem. I felt alot better at least knowing it wasn't the incision. So we went home and the same symptoms continued and only seemed slightly better. It wasn't until about 8pm that the whining started to slow down, and she would lay down and nod off for a minute. At this time I was trying to decide whether to give her the injection she was due for... would it help her or send her back to the anxious panting shaking whining state? I wanted more than anything for her to rest and sleep (she'd only laid down and slept for the three hours). At 10pm she was quieter and laying down more and started to sleep for a few minutes. I decided at that point that I would not give her the shot and hoped she would continue to get more relaxed and sleep. And, I could sleep also. She then slept through the night, from about midnight through 8am!! I have not given her the injection this morning either, but did give her the pain pill that is more for neurological/nerve pain and is supposed to make her a little groggy. She's seemed ok with pain, and is now (it's noon) sleeping! So, my conclusion is that she was having a negative reaction to the pain meds. And, we just kept feeding it with more pain meds. She was having an anxious nervous reaction, especially when she really needed to sleep. I'm suprised the vets (the emergency vet and especially our regular vet) didn't even think of that. Only yesterday afternoon when I called the vet asking if anything worse could happen- if I needed to watch for anything more- did she say some dogs have different reactions to pain meds, and one dog she saw rescently got depressed with pain meds. ?? So, in the end, after all of that, and the $300 extra vet costs, she's feeling better, and my guess is there is no blood clot. I'll still wait and see how she is, and treat her for pain if she needs it. Most of all, I'm so happy and releived that she is finally resting. It has been a crazy experience being with a loved one in constant pain. It's been exhausting physically and emotionally. Thank you for all of the loving thoughts and prayers for her (and our) well being.

Going to California...

The decision has been made- I'm going to Dog Psychology School! I'm SO excited. It will be a month in California and then six months back at home working with dogs and being mentored by my teacher. It was a big decision for me, and I knew it was what I wanted to do, it just came along with alot of self-doubts! It's amazing- I feel like I've done alot of work in that arena- and here is something that is bringing it all up in my face again. I guess this is pretty important if it's bringing all of this old deep stuff up again. At times it feels as if I haven't done any work on it in the past. But, that doesn't matter. What matters is that it's here now, and I love myself and accept and support myself right now.

Zeppelin is having surgery today to remove a tumor that is cancerous. She has lots of fatty cysts, but this is the first one to be cancer. Breast cancer. We don't know if it is a localized cancer or one that spreads, but we'll find out in a few days after the biopsy. Hopefully it will be the localized type, but I also wouldn't be suprised if it spreads. We'll see soon though. It should be easy to remove and hopefully her recovery will be easy as well.

I'm headed to California in about two weeks. I can't wait for some warmer weather! It warmed up to the 50's and nearly 60 yesterday, but now it's headed back to the 30's and 40's. It's ok, it's better than the teens or 20's. I'm not sure when it starts to warm up a little in the Asheville area. Hopefully it's soon.

Seems like there are other things to write about, but for now I think this will be it. I'll write more later. I hope you are well out there :)

a fork in the road...

I'm in the midst of a decision. A big decision, but also a simple one. Depends on how you look at it. It's a decision on a path, a direction, an investment, and an experience for growth. I will share what it is about once I've decided what I'll do. For now, I know what my heart is telling me. My head is still deciding. My soul is not sure- and is questioning my path. There is a fork in the road that has been presented to me. I have been asking and praying for my path in life- what is it that I am here to do? And now a choice has come. And in my eyes it's a pretty big choice- in that it will lead me in one direction, and it will require a significant sacrifice from me. And of course, that is if I choose to take that road. If I don't, then I keep looking. It is also difficult for me to trust myself. I have made many choices in the past, felt good about decisions, only to find out that the feeling was not as true as I thought it was. Now I know everything that has happened to me has happened for a reason. And I know that everything I've chosen in my life has taught me something very valuable, no matter what it was. I am looking for a more stable path now. I am looking for what my heart is drawn to, what is me, truly me. I want to give the gifts I'm here to give. I want to live in a way that I feel satisfied that I am doing something important. I want to see a path ahead and feel confident that I am doing the right thing for me. So, I will have a decision on this particular fork in the road within the next few days. I'm praying for guidance, for support, for clarity, and for courage.

Clarification

I've come to understand part of why I have this blog. It has been quite confusing for me for a while. It started out as another site which was for my travels, and when my travels ended, I switched to the blog form as people seemed to like to be able to keep up with what was happening in my life. I also liked this. Then it got confusing as I felt as though I was writing to people, and needed to write what they wanted to hear about, when mostly I wanted to write about my inner processings, and outer experiences. I was conflicted and didn't know why I was writing at all. What was the point in all of it? It seemed there was something more than just narcissistic writing. I've finally come to understand that I just need an outlet to express my thoughts, feelings and experiences. Sometimes friends don't want to hear, care to hear, need to hear- and sometimes they do. But I don't like to express to a friend my intimate feelings and then feel like I've just made a deposit on them and there is no dialogue, no dance in return. So I believe that is part of the reason for this- to be able to express myself (something I've learned is very important for me), to fulfill this need for writing (something I still don't quite understand) and to be able to share my thoughts and experiences, possibly being able to help someone else in that also. So, if anyone is reading this, thank you for your time and I welcome any comments or feedback. :)

A Brand New Day

Good day and happy new year! It's been a while since I've checked in, but there was a necessary clearing out of the old, reassessing, and rebuilding the new that needed to happen.

I experienced a bit of a dark time- a dark night of the soul that stretched across a few days at least... and am happy to say, that as usual, I have reemerged with more clarity, strength and connection to all of life. Of course I'm still mending a bit from it all, including the whirlwind of a trip the past two years have been, so I'm treating myself gently, reminding myself of the love and support from the universe that surrounds me, and walking one step at a time towards a truer, freer and more fully realized me.

I have alot more to write about and share, but for now this is a starting point. I hope you all are well and happy out there!