as the day turns to night...

There is alot I'd like to write about, but of course my time to write is when I'm on my way to bed and loosing all focus. If I could just write this while I'm standing there at work thinking about what I'd write if I could. As far as Zeppelin goes, we were able to get in to the vet this afternoon and he gave me all of the necessary information, which wasn't alot, but still I needed to hear it and talk to someone. He said she looks great, but the cancer is in an advanced stage, and he's guessing 6 months, and up to a year. Who knows how it will go, anything could happen. She could have a slow and gradual decline, or she could be fine and then have a rapid decline. The tumors are growing in her lungs and reducing her air to breathe, so obviously increased breathing and respiratory problems will be expected. She has a cough, but doesn't cough alot now. She loves to run and play, especially exploring natural areas, so we've been doing that, but keeping it light. She adores playing ball, but we've been keeping that to a minimum because she tires quickly. I will keep playing ball with her because she loves that more than almost anything. I will also be giving her more foods that she likes, because she loves that too. She loves to lay in the sun, she loves to roll in the grass. She loves to go for a walk in the woods, and she loves to go for a ride. So, we will be doing lots of what she loves. The vet said it's all about her quality of life, which is so true. I've always tried my hardest to give her the best life possible, and I will continue that as much as I possibly can. The vet said it's good that her time will be in the summer because her arthritis will be much better. Zeppelin is tough. I have a feeling she will hang in there as much as she can. So, we're just going to take it as it comes, day by day, moment by moment. I love her more than I could say. She has been my best friend, my love, my baby, my world, my family, my home. I don't know what life is like without her. We've been in an close relationship for 14 years. She loves me too. I am starting to feel a little bit hopeful, not so scared, and not so much in denial. I know it's going to be tough and I don't want it to be like it is, but I'm going to give her all I have.

I've been thinking about expectations lately. What we expect from others..... I will write more about this next time.

I'm too tired and all of my thoughts are fading. I've had little sleep lately and being up for work at 4am is something completely unnatural to me. 8pm is not really that early when I get up at 4am. And, it's not even dark yet....there is so much to think about.... and ...........