taking a moment to re-assess.

Headed to the coast...

Today we're headed to the coast to Lake Jackson, TX, where I'm from, to visit parents, brother, Grandmother and friends. There's not alot of time... so I will probably head back to NC on Friday. Not alot of time, but I'm glad to have had the opportunity to see family.

Austin, TX

Well I'm in the Austin area, Round Rock really- just north of Austin. Yesterday we went to the Austin farmer's market, Zilker Botanical Garden, walked around the South Congress funky area, and went to a restuarant called Shady Grove. It's been fun hanging out and with my sister and brother-in-law (I really don't care for that term 'brother-in-law'). I'm not sure what we'll do today, and I think I'll probably head down to Lake Jackson (near the coast) tomorrow afternoon or so to see the parents, brother and grandmother. Then I'll have to be back in North Carolina by the end of next weekend when my dogsitter (Stonewolf)has to leave. I guess that week is then Thanksgiving? I can't keep up with it all! I really can't believe it's almost Thanksgiving! It will be the end of the year and on to 2010 before we know it. Crazy.

It's been interesting experiencing the difference in landscapes... I guess I've gotten quite used to the mountains around... it seems strange to not have the earth rising up around me. It's strange to just see a bunch of concrete and buildings, stores, shopping centers, etc. There are no hills or even just inclines and declines. I guess back at 'home' (Asheville area... and it is starting to feel much more like home than I've felt in other places) I'm so used to seeing much more nature- even just if it's hillsides, trees, etc. It's just more present. It's interesting here in Round Rock- it is suburbia- lots and lots and lots of houses that all look alike- all right next to each other. I guess I've been used to living out in the country where you don't have a bunch of other houses right next door. It's a strange feeling... (it's a little bit funny, this feeling inside..)

more later! :)

Little Rock, AR

just a quick post to say i've made it near Little Rock, AR... will be traveling on to the Austin area tomorrow.... too tired to write anything else! plan to write a little in the morning before hitting the road again. much love to you all! :)

On the road again...

Well this is just going to be a quick update for now.... we left (Petunia came with me) yesterday a little later than expected, but all in good time. Initial plans were to try to make it to Natchez Trace State Park in between Nashville and Memphis, but we'd stop wherever. After several hours of being stuck on the highway in traffic, and trying to find a place to stay several times, we ended up at Natchez Trace! I really just wanted to wake up in the woods or a park with the trees around me, and that's what happened. There was alot of late night driving trying to find the spot, and we ended up at the 'wrangler's campground' where people stay with their horses- there was only one other person there. On the way in I saw two red foxes playing around in the road, a deer, and two skunks. Also saw a group of turkeys back near Hot Springs, NC. Petunia and I just slept in the van (I have a futon in the back with the seats out) since we got in pretty late. The van is great for sleeping in, I'm really enjoying it. I slept in it the few nights before my Vision Quest in September, and I guess that's the last road trip I was on. Anyways, we didn't spend any time hiking or anything, but the forest and park seemed to be a nice place to check out. We're headed on to Pinson Mounds, just down the road I think. I can't wait to see what this place is like- old ceremonial mounds from the native people long ago.

I think we'll make it to Little Rock or so... or wherever we get. We'll stay at a hotel tonight. I've made this trip so many times, from KY to TX, or NC to TX, or IL to TX..... it's strange when I find I recognize the exits, the gas stations, the McDonalds... like right now I'm on the side of a parking lot at a McDonalds/gas station combo.... and I've parked in this exact place before at least once. Strange. Also, I realized with this trip, maybe it's just that I'm getting old... or wiser..... but wow what a difference to take three days instead of two! Makes it much more enjoyable..... and I'm not killing myself to drive as much as humanly possible just to get there. Yay for learning.... ; )

I hope everyone is well out there..... :)

Transition...

I have alot to write about but I don't really know where to start at the moment... I've been moving over the past four days and I'm pretty worn out, to say the least.... today was the easiest day of all, physically, but more of an emotional day as I said thank you and goodbye to all that I've lived with for the past year+. I had to go back for the boat because I couldn't get the trailer working late last night when we were leaving. Today after some work on it everything hooked up great. I spent some time in the forest before leaving and expressed my love and gratitude. It's a beautiful drive here to Asheville. Where I've moved to is just north of Asheville, and it's great to be completely out of one experience and starting a new one. I think it will take a little bit of an adjustment, but it all feels good. It's a wild feeling- the transition of one thing to the next. Maybe just this time it's different. Maybe I'm at a different point in my life where my experience is different, and that's all. But, I did just have my Vision Quest ceremony in September, which was a huge thing for me. And I just had another huge ceremonial weekend this past weekend. So...as I get unpacked and adjusted, I'll write more :)
I hope everyone is well and enjoying life!

Letting Go...

The end of a season is here... yesterday I was emptying pots of plants to the Earth... saying thank you and letting go of a season that felt like I didn't even really get to witness. I missed most of the spring and summer due to work and even though I planted some herbs and veggies in pots (not knowing if I'd be living at the house all season) it was a sad moment for me, uprooting myself, letting go of the summer that I'd wanted to grow so much more, and being thankful for what I had done. It's been one crazy year. I can't let myself forget that. Things are changing, and who knows what this coming year will present. I have a feeling it's going to be a little crazy as well, but in a much better way. With some unexpected stalls in house hunting over the weekend, I'm hoping to find a place today or tomorrow. I need to- Grandfather is coming to town Wednesday and I'll be busy with things from then until Sunday. Teachings this weekend and rebuilding the Spiritlodge, and Spiritlodge ceremony Sunday. Then I've got to be out of the house next week. So... let's hope for the best. Charley Bubba cat has still not come back yet- I was thinking about him last night and I think he's journeyed on. It was unexpected. I wish I'd said goodbye and thank you when he was here. Last night it got down to 29 degrees. A little bit of ice this morning. The season is changing and I'm beginning to appreciate it more than ever. As much as I'm a warm weather person from southeast Texas, I am appreciating much more the seasons, the differences and gifts of the different times of year. One leads to another and all are important. So... we'll see what's next : )

Just a quick update... we are still looking for a house to rent in the Asheville area. This past week has been a whirlwind- I'm ready for some downtime but I don't think that will happen any time soon, or maybe it will? We had a work weekend at the Garden which included a suprise birthday party for Garrett. We all had LOTS of fun that weekend, lots of laughing and silliness. Rainbow Eagle is coming next week, and it would be great if we could find a house and move in this week. We're going to go look at some places today. That's about all I have to write about at the moment... much love to you all. : )

Well, well, well... (again)

Changes are still in the air : ) Yesterday was my last day at Earth Fare... and today I am on a new path. It's a new day and a new sunrise. I'm starting to get the tiniest glimpse of it, and I'm liking it. Stonewolf and I decided not to take the rental house on the farm. May sound strange, but as "perfect" as it seemed, it did not feel "perfect". We each kept having our own reservations and we didn't really understand why. Although it was bringing up fears for us, and allowing us the opportunity to work through them, it just wasn't feeling very good! It was bewildering. We weren't excited about it... weren't looking forward to it. It was so strange. So, since we had not made any official move on the house yet, we decided to let the owner know what we were feeling to keep him in the loop. He basically flipped out in a pretty rude way and said not to waste his time again. Huh? It was a "wow" situation and I am glad we had this experience now before moving in. What an amazing relief I felt after hearing from Stonewolf what had happened. It was wild- all of the conflict I'd been feeling just went right out the window. What it's taught me is to listen to my gut... big time. Those intuitions.... it can be tricky when the picture looks so pretty and you think, well this has got to be right cause it seems so great... but... it doesn't FEEL great... and the thing is, no matter what, we always have a choice. That's the beautiful part. We have a choice to create whatever we want, and to step onto whichever path we choose, no matter what that path looks like. So, we're moving on towards finding something that feels REALLY good and we're both really excited about. That's really important right now- to CREATE things that feel really good and give us the opportunity to live our lives how we want to. So, yeah for us! Yeah for changes, and yeah for what's ahead.
I'm wishing you all well.... : )

Take a step onto the path that you choose.....

Well my goodness, what a whirlwind of a few days it's been. By the way, happy full moon!! So I left off last time in just finding out about having to move. After the shock, frustration and saddness of that, I feel very sure that this is what's supposed to happen (of course). Garrett and I are going to move to Asheville- there is no need or reason to move to Johnson City. We really feel like we're both supposed to be in Asheville right now, for whatever reasons. So... we went to look at some rental places yesterday- and had two to look at- one was very interesting as it was on an organic farm, and the other was in the city. So we got to the farmhouse and the experience there was amazing. We were both overwhelmed. First of all, Patrick, the owner who also lives on the farm, is a great guy- very present, grounded, understanding, positive, and very tuned-in. There is another family who lives there who seem great as well. The farm has several neighbors and it is kind of a community situation- people working the farm together, having cookouts, hanging out, etc. There are vegetables growing, chickens running around, and a greenhouse. Part of the attraction of this place for me is that I can grow things there and share the greenhouse. It is organic, and has been grown organically for 17 years, although is not certified organic. The greenhouse plastic will stay up in the winter, which is great because I'd like to try some cold weather vegetables, and was considering a cold frame or something. For me, I could make a start at one of my dreams- growing and selling plants, vegetables, herbs, whatever. I could actually do it, which is kind of crazy. It of course brings up alot of fears for me, but I'm working through it. It's funny- you can talk about what you want so much and then when it's presented, it's like "oh, wait a minute...". I've been praying and praying for things to come into my life- and this is one of them. So, I asked for it and here it is. Now what am I going to do with it? There is also a small barn that would be ours- which would make a great workshop to build things, etc. Patrick says I'm welcome to use his woodshop.... where he has a planer, etc- the things I don't have. I can have a separate garden or I can share in the community one, and everyone works at it and shares in it. There are fresh organic eggs.... another thing I've asked for! There is a river that runs through it, hiking trails, a cave (yeah!) and other things I'm forgetting. It's outside Weaverville, NC, and is about 20 minutes to Asheville. Both Garrett and I really got overwhelmed and had alot of stuff come up for us, and have been working through it. We both feel like we're supposed to be there, and so does Patrick. He wants someone who can really put some energy into the growing thing. So as much uncertainty there is, we feel like it is what we're supposed to do. And all of the fears and energy that's come up with this place, is just an indication of great growth happening and to come. And, we're going to have courage and take a step towards it, as scarey as it might be. We trust, and we know it's going to be ok. We can move in sometime this week I think, and my last days at Earth Fare are Monday and Tuesday nights! I can't believe it's all here and everything is changing. So we'll either move in this week or next, which works great because Rainbow Eagle is coming on the 23rd. All perfect timing. Now to get packing :)
Then after some processing and chilling time, we went on to see Malcolm Holcombe play at the Grey Eagle. A great venue and one of my favorite musicians. I don't think I've ever left a show of his without having cried once. He is amazing and I love how he really goes straight into the depth of emotion, and music. It was the best show I've seen of his- although I've seen many and many were better for different reasons. This show he was so comfortable- and at home. One of the things I love about him is that he is truly himself- no matter what people think. And I think that is beautiful. And last night he had more of a freedom in that. It was great. I'd suggest checking him out at least once for the experience if you ever have the opportunity. www.malcolmholcombe.com
So, the decision has been made, we're moving to this house- and even in the uncertainty, it's good to know we're going down this path, and it's going to lead us to a whole new world. I feel my life is changing big time, and look forward to all of the beautiful things that are to come.

Well well well...

Let's see... where do I start.... this morning it was chilly!! I got to work and spent practically all day training my replacement... which is good but there is so much to teach and it can be a little exhausting! I really realized how much I do in managing the floral department- how much there is to take into consideration, how much you have to pay attention to, how much I've learned and how much I'm responsible for, without being recognized or paid for it. I do it because it's important to me, I want to do a good job, and I want it to be a good thing. I have a feeling they will begin to realize how much was going on behind the scenes once I'm gone. It's nice to feel like "wow, I did a good job".
On the way home from work my landlord called and let me know he'd rented my house to someone else and I'd need to be out by October 15th, or the end of the month at the latest. This came as a complete shock as I was under the impression Garrett and I were going to stay in the house. And I'm really suprised my landlord is taking this route. I don't understand it, but I respect his decision no matter how much I disagree with it. So.... Garrett is on his way here now with the uhaul trailer, coming from Raleigh. We're going to start looking for a place in or around Asheville, and hopefully we'll find a great one.

I went to the woods tonight and told them we were going to have to leave. I was sad to say this to them. I have really loved being there and loving them. I was really looking forward to the times to come. Hopefully we can find a place with some woods also. I think it's going to be good. I got sad and scared at first, but I know this is where life is taking me and I trust that things are happening because that's how they should. I am creating the life I want and this is part of it.

on the move...

Ok things are starting to move... and speaking of that, after much deliberation Garrett and I have come to a decision to be roommates in the house I'm already in- to just stay here for a while, maybe until the spring. We tried to rent the place next door, which is much more private, and one-story, but it's already rented. After trying to find a place to share in Asheville, and not finding anything so far, we decided to make a choice and just stay here where it's alot cheaper to live, and the animals are ok, over the winter. It will be good for both of us. So today I started major cleaning up and moving stuff around to move him in. The house is ok, but the stairs to go upstairs to two small bedrooms are very steep- it's like mountain climbing! I have to carry Petunia up and down cause she can't make it. It's hard on Zep but she's handling it ok for now. It will be nice to have some company and a good friend around. It will also be nice to split the costs! So I have a week and a day left at work... hopefully it will go quickly and easily. It's been a bit of a challenge with management who lack people and communication skills, and sometimes I think simply human skills (not to get judgemental). Once that is done the road is open for me. I cannot wait for this change. I've never experienced this with a job before.... and it's been a great lesson in learning to stick with it and be ok in the midst of what is not ok. But it's also come to a point of doing what is good for me, what is healthy and supportive for me. So that's also a good lesson. I'm going to be making a road trip to Texas to visit my sister and her husband, my mom, dad, grandmother and brother. I'm looking forward to it. I also hope to make a trip to Kentucky to visit friends.
A Grandmother gave me a book at my Vision Quest called The Laws of Spirit by Dan Millman. It's a small book and I've found it to be great so far. I was reading one part about choice. It was talking about how important it is for us as humans to have a choice in what we do. When we feel trapped and feel as if we have no choice, it totally changes how we feel, how we view the situation, and how we react to it. When we feel trapped and feel like we have no choice, we can be resistant. It's important for us to recognize that we have a choice and we can say no. Sometimes when we just really realize that we CAN say no, we no longer feel trapped and are able to be much more present and do what is best for us. I think this is important and it's important to remember. Are you in a situation where you feel trapped? Something that you feel is not right for you and you can't get out of it? You do have a choice, no matter what. You can say yes or no, and it's up to you.

It's a Good Day

It's true- it's a good day. I remember hearing stories of Sky Willow telling her children "It's a good day! Let's do ______". A woman who is into affirmations says "Today is one of the best days of my life!" in the morning when she wakes up. I like to remember that!

I'd like to go to some places with someone someday... I've been seeing pictures and videos lately and it looks just beautiful. Oregon. the Redwoods, Sequoias. Sitka, Alaska. Many others- that's all I can think of this early in the morning.

I'm hoping you all are well out there!

thank you Michael

this one is for my friend, Father Dave- miss you...

It's a Good Day

Tonight I gave my two weeks notice to work. It's interesting- it feels so good- it's been a long time coming- I've been wanting to since February. I've been a year at my job and it's been difficult- it's been a great lesson in learning to deal with difficult situations and to be ok with it. It started as one thing and turned into another. It was me giving everything I had and not getting much in return. What I did get in return was love and support from the really great people I worked with. It's interesting- it's like being in an unhealthy relationship- it's funny how you might try to talk yourself out of getting out of it- although you know with all of yourself that it's not right and not what's best for you- you try to wait and see if it will change- to see if it will get better- and sometimes it seems like it will, but it never does. That's exactly what it's been like. It was an unhealthy relationship. It was not good for me. It's that thing we've heard a thousand times... the definition on insanity. Now that I've told a few people it's interesting to hear their reactions.... some people have been so supportive and I really need that right now. Most people are shocked and wonder why..... and I wonder- have you been listening to me??? Maybe people just can't really understand unless they're right there with you. I don't know. But I so appreciate those of you who have given me love and support. It's something I've thought alot about- and it's taken two weeks to do it... I was ready to two weeks ago. Tonight at work when I was getting ready to do it, I started to cry. That was unexpected.... I realized that I've invested alot of myself into this job- into this store- into creating and building something successful and great. But, it didn't work out like that. So it's alot of letting that go. Also, when I moved here just over a year ago, I didn't know what I was doing and it was exciting to move here, and it meant alot to me to get the job. And, I've been very thankful to have had the job. But also it kind of consumed my life. And now I'm realizing there's a whole other world out there besides the patterns I'd been keeping myself locked in. So, it's a good day. It's scarey and I don't know what the future holds, but I have glimpses and I know what I want and how I'm going to create my life as of now. I'm going to keep walking and trust in life and myself...

change is in the air...

once again, change is in the air. had a wonderful weekend at the Wild Women Retreat at the Garden....we learned alot and had a great time. the past two weeks since my Vision Quest have been amazing- everything is changing and thank goodness!!! it's difficult at times and takes courage and commitment, but things are good. i'll write again when there is more to share.
my love to you all : )

The Fungus is Among Us

http://www.flickr.com/photos/girlonearth/sets/72157622275567249/

this is the link to my photos page on Flickr.... Just added a folder with some of the local fungi around here... not including all of the ones i've seen when i haven't brought my camera!

Well well well... I've been learning how to be in the world again....learning to bring who I am to all of the things I do. I could go into this more, but I'm going to make it brief for now. I went running yesterday and met a fairy by a tree- she was sad and lonely because noone visits her anymore- so I stopped for a visit. She told me to take the magic with me in my life. I've been having a struggle because I've been separating two worlds- the world I experience at work, etc. and the world I experience at home, etc. Although the two of course have some separation, in my life the two are combining.
As far as making any headway towards moving.... I have not come very far. A few questions have been answered- a friend who may have been moving to Asheville from Florida as a potential roommate is not ready to move yet. A friend in Asheville who had a place to rent for a few months is not going to rent it. So, two questions answered. Stonewolf and I are entertaining the possibility of renting a place together as we both need a place and both would like to share the costs. As much as I want to be near my sister in Austin I am really concerned about being so far from ceremony and the things that are really important to me. I need work that can be portable! So I'm working on finding ways to do that. I'm leaning towards Asheville- at least for the time being- since it's close to ceremony and friends, and there are job opportunites, housing, etc. Like minded people and fun things to do. I could stay here in Erwin and share the house with Stonewolf. I'm still not sure and am still torn with my sister giving birth in February- I'd really like to be there. So, we'll see..... : )

Post Vision Quest Experience....

I haven't written for a while- partly because I was very busy getting ready for my Vision Quest... and now it's a week after my Vision Quest.... and I've been busy adjusting to life as it is now! The Vision Quest was wonderful- an amazing experience, and really life-changing. It's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster since then- not anything too dramatic, just stronger feelings I've noticed. I'm learning to experience the world in a different way. It's nice. But it does take some re-adjustment, and that can be difficult at times.

At the same time I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with my life for the moment... my lease is up in my rental house, I'm needing another job, and I'm tired of living where I live. I love the natural beauty- but I need more. There are no job options here and I am far away from people, things to do and places to go. I'm torn between where to go, and I have many animals which makes it difficult to find a rental place. So.... I've been getting caught in the fear and panic thing- and working my way out of it. It's been a good learning experience. Choice is such an important part of this human experience- and I am grateful for the choices I'm given, even when it feels very scarey.

On the road again...

The consensus is I like Nashville! It's a nice place- city but doesn't seem too city... saw a bunch of younger people, saw lots of places to go to things, nice park and greenway, etc. Yesterday I went to Bongo Java- the local coffeshop and roaster, walked over to the Turnip Truck- local health food store (local organic produce- yea!) then drove around the east side neighborhood (which was recommended to me)... then went to Shelby Park, walked for a while then sat by the river and tied some prayer ties for my Vision Quest. Then I drove around a little more, went to 3 crows bar to get something to eat- had seen it the night before and wanted to check it out. Today I think I'm headed back east... not really sure- feel like I've gotten a good feeling for the city... still not sure where I'll end up going when I go, but I'm feeling out the options. I need to keep my focus on my Vision Quest, and today is the last day of practice fasting.. it's a week and a half away!

Nashville Arrival

I've arrived in Nashville! I got into town about sunset- drove around for a while exploring. It was a beautiful drive here. I was going to stop in Knoxville first, but as I was driving through, I had absolutely no desire to stop! So I just kept going. Didn't know if I'd make it all the way to Nashville tonight or not. When I first hit Nashville I went straight to Broadway area- I had no idea where I was going, I just ended up there. There was so much music and people and lights, etc! I think I was in culture shock for a while. I was just driving slowly with my mouth open in awe of it all! It was exciting. I was going to stop and walk around, but decided to head to the hotel and get some rest and walk around tomorrow and tomorrow night. The minivan is great! I love it. I really like Nashville in the little bit I saw tonight- saw many beautiful old trees. Lots of music and creative people and wow.... it's really showing me what a hole I've been living in! It's funny cause I'm exactly where I was a year ago- looking at the same cities I was looking at a year ago to move to! Of course it's totally different now, but the same situation! I moved to Erwin and was going to take some time to figure out where to next, but just got real present and caught up in my job and home. But, it's like this past year has been in retrograde for me.... like everything was going backwards or something. I really learned alot over the past year about what I don't want.... and what I do want....so of course it was just perfect and now I know so much more and so much more clearly what it is I want for my life. I've been doing alot of praying and asking for guidance to help me find wherever it is I'm to go next.
Goodnight and sweet dreams to all!

Hitting the road!

Well I'm hittin the road... not sure where I'm going but I'm looking forward to it! It's gonna be good to get out into the rest of the world beyond Erwin and Johnson City! Gonna head westward..... towards Knoxville and Nashville... those are my thoughts at the moment. Any suggestions? I'm getting ready to leave now- hope to be on the road soon! Stonewolf is coming to dog/housesit (thank you!!). I'll post some of what I find!
Love to you all!

Well well well...

Well well well... let's see... seems like alot has happened in the past few days... or maybe just time is getting wierd. Well, the store meeting at my work that I boycotted ended up being twice as long as needed, and a huge mess of arguments and disrespect. So... good thing I didn't go! The next night the building was struck by lightning! It knocked several coolers out, resulting in a loss of more than $10,000 of spoiled product! And the bathroom sewer backed up all over the floor! Crazy! Just goes to show how the universes and mother earth act to balance out imbalance... stuck by lightning!!

Yesterday on my way home from work there was the most beautiful big fat rainbow! It literally shocked me! The colors were so bright and clear. And then there was a big fat hawk on my street.

I have been looking at jobs in other areas and trying to find out more info on the different places I'm thinking about... and most of all FEELing what I want.... and speaking of that I just found out I have four days off of work in a row!!! Crazy! Of course I never get my work schedule until about 3 days ahead of time, so it doesn't work well for planning. I can't go anywhere far, but I can go on a road trip! I think I'd have to take the dogs... unless I can find a last minute dog sitter. So... off to Knoxville and Nashville? We'll see how it all comes together.

The crazy sketchy neighbors (who threatened to shoot me, my dog and my truck on the possum hunting night...) are finally moving out!! YEAH for a return to peace and ease at their home. Uhaul was here yesterday and again this morning... I think I will go over there after they're gone and talk to the energies there and try to help rebalance some. There's a huge need for that, I'm sure- probably more than I'm imagining.

I think I may need to find a home for Rosco...my 8 month old boy dog. He is wonderful and I really love him, but I think it might be better... not positive but thinking about it. He's a wonderful sweet loving dog and would need to be with another dog, and with someone he can snuggle with. I got him from the shelter when he was a baby- and I don't know what breed he is, but he's beautiful. If anyone knows of a great loving, safe home for him- please let me know.

Much love to you all-

Give Me Love... Give Me Life

Stand Up

Martin Luther King, Jr. said in one of my favorite speeches of his "Stand up for righteousness! Stand up for justice! Stand up for truth!..."

I must speak to this...we're creating a bit of a spider web...as I was reading a friend's blog today and the question was posed about the true nature of the pirate, and the pirate within us all- I looked at my own life and pondered. Afterwards I went running- out in the country, the most beautiful cows and mountains rising up around me. The thunder was coming in again and it started to pour rain... and it is so wonderful to run in the rain. It just poured and poured. And as exhilarating as that is- it brought to mind the Pirate. I counseled with myself- what am I doing in my life? What am I standing up for? Where in my life am I not taking a stand for myself? I haven't been the pirate for myself lately- feeling stuck in a job and living in a place that's not best for my spirit. But I'm making a change now. Loving myself- one thing I realized in my preparations for the sweatlodge was that in my VQ preparations I had forgotten to thank someone- and that was me. I hadn't thanked me for everything. I'd thanked my critic and judge but hadn't thanked myself completely. Then I had a dream about that last night- about not judging myself. So there is one way I haven't been the pirate. I let injustice to myself by myself happen. Time to make a change.

Last night I took a stand, I had a realization and made a choice for myself. My job right now is one that has been a big challenge over the past year. One aspect of it I really love, the other aspects I have a very hard time dealing with- corporate structures and functions, etc. etc. Last night at 9pm we had a "mandatory store meeting". I live 30 min. away from my work and I'd already gone in for work and had come back home. I had a friend in town visiting for the night and many other things going on. As we cooked dinner and ate quickly and I rushed out the door with my pj-like comfy clothes on (my friend asked- 'you're wearing that to the meeting?' i said yes!). I took two dogs with me for the ride, got in the van and headed back down the seemingly long road back to work. I got about 5-10 minutes down the road before getting on the highway and said wait a minute- I don't have to do this!! they can't tell me what I do with my time and my life! this is MY life. This is my choice in how I spend my time- I work and I do a damned good job. So I'm going to give up everything that is important to me right now so I can rush there to sit and listen to bullshit and then come home late and miss my time with my friend and things that are important to me? I was also already very tired from the sweatlodge and healing the night before. I knew there would be no 'repercussions' if I didn't go- I wouldn't lose my job or anything. So I said a few obscinities and turned the opposite way. I was glad for my own inner pirate standing up for myself- and probably you'd have to know the whole story with the company, etc. to understand completely. But sometimes we get caught into ways of thinking or doing and get talked into how they want us to be and what they think is right or important- our inner pirate slowly sinks to the background.... not taking a stand for what is REAL, what is important, what is our TRUTH- whatever that may be. We all can live in any way we want- we have that freedom and we must stand up for it!! Don't get sucked into the bullshit! Bring on that impassioned roar. It may be a silly and small example but it was meaningful for me. A moment again of clarity.

So again today- what do I take a stand for? I stand up against injustice- against hatred and fear. I stand up against a lack of realness..... look at me, talk to me, be real- be true- be loving and even in your hatred and fear let the love start to soak in and see there is no need to hate and fear. In all of your emotions- be real! And of course I am speaking to myself as well! Sometimes I've learned it's hard to figure out what is the best approach in your piracy- at times the strong in your face approach is best- i've come to find many times a more gentle approach seems to open a door for healing. Depends on the situation.

Speaking of my job- I have realized one thing about moving- if I go to Chattanooga with the company, although that is the security of having a job- it's really based on fear. Fear that I won't be able to find a job somewhere else, so if I went with the company I'd really just be staying in my happy prison- and that's simply fear! So... that probably answers that question ;)

Speaking of spiders- I have a grandmother spider who made her home on some potted plants on my porch railing- so I've left them there so she could have her home (she seemed quite happy with it- made an extensive web home). I see her every day but I haven't seen her in the past few days. I did see a dead spider upside down in her web but it didnt look like her... I'm wondering what's going on. Today I did see a teeny tiny spider and another small one. I miss her though! I'll keep you updated! ;)

I wish I could post a song for each day. I'd like that. Enough rambling.
Happy new moon tomorrow- time for new beginnings...

Living and Living Well

George Strait says there's a difference between livin' and livin' well.

This morning I woke up in a dream that I was on "the bachelorette" (TV show) and was finding my husband... it was strange- never had a dream like that. I knew in the dream, as I know in waking time, that there is a certain someone I'm looking for. In the dream I knew that too, and he was there, but I was also afraid, as I am in waking time, that I may not find him. It's all a matter of trust and patience.... but sometimes that is hard.

A friend reminded me the other night that everything in our lives is already set up- will happen when it should, and there is no need to worry. For the first time in a long time I felt ok... it was different...and very freeing. And I am very thankful to him for that. Also today someone I know said her heart has so much to give and noone to give it to.... and I can totally understand that feeling. But the thing I've come to learn is that when you have alot of love to give, and you love to love- you have to find ways to love.... to love others, to love yourself, and to do things that you love and give you joy- whatever that is. I think this is alot of the point of life. Which leads me to a friend posing the question on his blog- What is the purpose of my life? Many times I've thought of this and it's interesting how the answer changes over the years. Growing up I thought it was all about career and work. And let me say first of all that I think it is absolutely unique to each person. For many people it is their career and I think often times what we are here to do comes through what we do... and many times that is in our 'work'. Everything has a gift- what are our unique gifts? What do we love? What lights us up and makes us ecstatic? What makes me giggle? What makes me cry? What am I drawn to? Whatever is right for you... for me I thought I had to have a job/career that was my purpose and that was the package it came in. Nowadays I see that it is in my every moment... it is in my interactions with others- in the suprising yet synchronistically beautiful moments with strangers, animals, other beings. It is how I ask to help others and myself- and those opportunities just show up. It is the people I have cried with at my job who I don't even know. It's the people I reach out to in love and caring, treating them as my brother and sister even when they don't understand. Doing what I can to give love and caring to anything that needs it. And also when you have alot of love to give, and love to love- sometimes people can feel very uncomfortable with that- why is this girl doing this? But I do what feels good, with respect for the other and myself. We are all related- we are all family no matter what, and for me it's living in the ways I know are beautiful. And sometimes it's a challenge- but that's part of it too. The the love and the hurt- both are part of it and I think they may just be the same- two sides of the same coin.

Now how does all of this rambling relate to my life and where I'm at? Well... I'm making choices in my life.... I am deciding where and how I want my life to be. This is tough, takes alot of trust and alot of thinking for me... what do I want, what is best for me. And I believe I'll go wherever I need to go for my life. Although I don't know where I want to go yet, I do know that I don't want to stay here. I have realized it is not fulfilling for me- I am not satisfied.... and life is too short, I don't have time to waste. As I told my friend Stonewolf the other night, I'm breaking up with this town- as much as I want it to work and I love certain things about it- I'm not fulfilled- my spirit is not happy- I'm yearning for more. So, that's a start. I have many animals and sometimes this can be a problem... and I love them all dearly but also would find homes for some if I needed to. For now I will see if I can keep the family together.

The other night I had my sweatlodge- it was such a beautiful experience. I'm so thankful to all who came together for the ceremony for me. It was a great healing experience, and I'm so thankful for all of the love and support. Everything is Alright. 2 1/2 weeks till my Vision Quest.

Beautiful day to you!

the Times they are Change..

Good Morning! The winds of change started blowing yesterday at my house. They started as a gentle whisper and turned into strong attention-getting gusts. I said to them- I know, I hear you- come with all of yourself- bring it on. Then the thunder started.

Last night I went to Asheville to pick up my new minivan... yes a minivan.... I'm excited about it- something I've wanted for many years... gonna put a mattress in the back. I've had the rental car for a week after selling the truck, so I'm just glad to have a vehicle and will soon have it all taken care of.

Tonight I'm having a sweatlodge... to help with my preparations for the Vision Quest. There are alot of preparations and since it's going back over every person, experience, guide and dream I've had until now (my whole life).... for me I feel there is alot of energy associated with that. And some of that energy is easy to release. Some of it takes a little bit more. So, I feel that the spiritlodge will help with this. Help me to move through the energy, say thank you- and continue with my preparations.

I need to cut my hair. It's getting really long.

: ) much love to you all

View Home Sweet Home in a larger map'>http://
View Home Sweet Home in a larger map

Where in the world?

Thank you to those of you who have offered suggestions in my decision for moving. I'm still not at any decision, but I'm constantly feeling it out. I really want to go where I'm supposed to- where my life is to be next (of course). At this point, I can go to Chattanooga, TN with my job as they're opening a new store there in December, so I'd have a job. I can move to Austin- I'd love to be closer to my family...but am concerned because I don't have a job and housing seems to be pretty expensive there.... and because of the animals I need a certain type of place and don't have a roommate. Other interesting places- Knoxville? Nashville? I'd like to avoid going anywhere colder in the winter... and Asheville is too cold for me. So... I'm feeling it all out, and although I need to make some kind of decision very soon, I am also waiting to see what happens. If I'm going to go to Chattanooga, I need to let my work know soon. If not I just need to let my landlord know when I'll be leaving. I think I'll take a trip out to Chattanooga this week to check it out. Blah blah blah.
Vision quest preparations are coming along... I think it will be here before I know it! I can't wait! Although I'm nervous, I'm really excited. It's been a long process and a long time coming. Thank you to everyone and your thoughts and prayers of support.

etc.

will write more soon.... went for fun hike today to laurel falls... beautiful! still thinking about what to do as far as moving.... caring for newly neutered puppy... preparing for the vision quest... enjoying life.... hoping everyone is well out there!

Compliment Guys

http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWBbXA58PKI



I saw these guys on the news today.... was so happy to see people wanting to do and doing loving things..... these are two college guys, who wanted to do something nice for people, and stand outside and sincerely compliment all passerbys- strangers- and they do it because they like to and they want to make people smile. Now they are traveling the country doing it. When I was watching them I felt like I wished they could compliment more often on things that were not clothes, purses, etc- but I guess they find something as someone is walking by to compliment them on, and maybe that's the most obvious thing. And in the interview I saw they did compliment on other things besides clothes. Maybe this experience will help them to see other wonderful things in people besides their clothing. I do think it's great people are doing things to simply be kind caring loving and positive to others for no other reason : )

pondering and musing

Well it's a good day. But every day is a good day, even when it doesn't feel like it! : ) I've taken a trip to the dark side and have returned! Yea! It feels good. My friend Stonewolf asked if I brought back any souveniers? Well yes... what are they? Love, clarity, patience, passion, hope, trust, open eyes, presence, action, and a big ol' hug for myself and everyone else. So... I keep walking one step at a time.
Last night I met some nice people in Asheville and made a deal on my truck! Yea! I will sell it to them next weekend. That means I can start looking for another vehicle! Yea for life moving forward. Also I finally got a new laptop since mine died several weeks ago.... whew! Great to have!! Also..... my sister and her husband are having a baby!!! YEA!! I'm so happy and excited for them.
This is like an online journal for me at times... So a year and a half ago I decided to get rid of nearly everything I owned, leave Raleigh and go traveling in my travel trailer. I hit the road and ran into some obstacles... one being the trailer was a bit more inconvenient than I thought it would be. Another being I had so many places I wanted to go, and was trying to do it all at once- it was overwhelming. Another being I ended up realizing I kind of really wanted someone else to share it all with! I do alot and travel alot by myself, and enjoy it- but sometimes time after time it would be nice to have someone to share the really cool fun times with. So I ended up doing some traveling in Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Kentucky, Tennessee and North Carolina. Then I went to Costa Rica for a month. It was a great time for some exploration and reflection. Then it was time to move somewhere and I couldn't decide where. There were many places, but nothing really grabbing my heart and pulling me there. I was considering Oregon/Washington, Austin, San Antonio, Nashville, middle TN, Lexington, Asheville and Costa Rica. I couldn't decide, so I found a great little A-frame next to the woods in Erwin, TN, and decided to move there for a while until I figured out where is next. So... that leads us up to today. I'm here in Erwin,and my lease ends this month. My landlord called last night and wants to know my plans. Yikes... I don't know! I love the natural beauty here.... I really love it so much. I really find the social/community aspects of this town and nearby Johnson City to be lacking for me, and have realized how much I need/want this in my life! I feel alone. Now, I feel alone alot, but this is something different. Last night when I went to Asheville, I drove around downtown and there were SO many people! Fun people doing fun things. It was kind of shocking... realized how isolated I've been! I kind of forgot there was that out in the world, I guess. There are friends here that I have who are really important to me. The opportunity to be close to ceremony is hugely important to me. But... at the same time, I don't feel like I can live here every day, not feeling content, for ceremonies that happen every so often. If it all fit better, if I felt comfortable here and felt fulfilled in more than a few ways, it would be fine. But there is something lacking and I feel I need to be able give more of myself and receive more also. So... I'm thinking. My Vision Quest is in September, so I'll be here until after that as that is my focus for the time being. My friends are spread out all over the place- Tennessee, North Carolina, Kentucky, Ohio, Texas, etc. I'd like to live somewhere with a warmer winter. I'd like to have like-minded people around. So, we'll see.... any ideas or suggestions?

Well it's almost August 2009.... crazy.....
make the most of every moment!!!

here's a poem from my calendar for August:

"God and I have become
like two giant fat people
living in a tiny boat.
We keep bumping into each other
and laughing."

-Hafiz, Love Poems from God

Hmm

Well I've gotten to be a pretty good flea-picker. (could write a song about that!) Yep, that's right. We have a flea problem. The nasty flea med I was using wasn't working, now it's a battle to conquer the house and animals back from the fleas! Many flea baths, flea powder, salt, etc and the vet said today I must flea bomb the house and treat the yard. All of this and I can't stand pesticides!! But it must be done- noone in the house is happy except the fleas. It's not too bad, but it could be soon. It is difficult with 5 animals living out in the country. Those fleas can get out of control fast! I'm glad they're happy, but they need to find another home!

So today I'm practicing fasting for my Vision Quest... a slow process that I'm hoping will end up being ok with my low blood sugar and all. I have faith it will work out. But I'm taking it slow. Preparations are coming along.... it will be here before I know it, that's for sure. And it's alot of preparation.... all really good stuff- much needed in my life.

So I've been thinking on a few ideas... I don't know if anyone reads this or has any opinions or suggestions.... My lease is up next month and I will stay through Sept. I'm sure because of my Vision Quest. I am tossing around some ideas- stay in Erwin, move closer to Johnson City, or move to Austin ?? or?? I'll write more about that later.

Hoping you all are well out there- much love to all my friends and family.

Matt Urmy & Chastity Brown

I happened to see two most wonderful singers/songwriters the other night at the strange little coffeehouse in Johnson City.... I highly recommend seeing them if at all possible- Matt Urmy and Chastity Brown. Definitley worth checking out..... amazing music and amazing people. : )

Home is Where the Heart Is

Greetings to everything everywhere- I'm not sure if anyone reads this, and I think I might be writing to myself, which is just fine with me! I have been having a bit of a difficult time lately, well within the past two weeks and really within the last week. But a way off balance week for me feels way too long!! Just been having some transition time, I guess you could call it, with my life in general- life, love, work, home, direction, etc etc etc. So it's good, it's growth for sure, but man the lows of difficulties of it are not fun! So yesterday I unexpectedly ran into a friend of mine who is homeless- I saw him at a coffeehouse we'd hung out at before and so we hung out for many hours. Actually most of the time was spent hanging out with several homeless guys. Some homeless by circumstance, some by choice. I learned alot about street life, and about my friend. We had some really great and needed talks- things that really helped me with my situation, and also helped him. He is an angel and although he comes and goes, I am thankful for having him in my life. So really the gist of our conversation was about how it's really all about what's inside of us, not what's outside of us. Now, of course what's outside reflects what's inside, etc etc- yes, but the change and the work must be done on the inside for the outside to feel ok, or to come into the ways we'd like it to be. Make any sense? It's simple yes but profound- and maybe just for us- and as we were talking we said the same thing- well, duh! of course, we know this is it so simple but it's amazing how in the midst of living and life we pass it up! How we feel about ourselves on the inside- how we are with us- how truly loving and accepting- unconditionally- we are of ourselves. How we aren't our biggest judge and critic! How we are totally ok wherever we are. It's simple yet I bet most of us can do some work in this area! Anyways.... enough ranting..... hanging around and talking with those in different life situations did help me to be really thankful for all I have and all I work for and all that makes me very happy every day. It also helped me to learn, or remember what's important when I'm feeling very lost and unsure. Until next time...

In the blender...

This is just a touching base... wow it's been 3 1/2 months since my last post! Amazing!!! Things right now are in the midst of a shift and I will write more in the next few days... Much love to you...be well...be happy...enjoy the moment...love each other!

Spring showers bring.....

Wow! One month later! Geez time flies. I've been meaning to write but it's been one thing after the next. It is finally spring here.... the weather is warming and it's SO nice.... I went for a bike ride the other day- first of the year- it was so great to bike and be in the sun! I have a new addition to the family..... a puppy! Yes, unexpected..... but I am so happy about it. I know alot of people don't understand but I love animals and I love to have them around and spend time with them. This little one stood out to me at the shelter- I went to visit several times before bringing him home. I was actually looking at an old dog since I knew his time was very limited at the shelter and he was very sweet and calm. But his owners finally picked him up after a week and a half at the shelter. The puppy I'd seen before the old dog and just was resisting him. But once I took him out for some play time I fell in love. I even left the shelter and drove back to get him. He is a very sweet, loving, calm, smart dog. I have a connection with him that reminds me of my connection with Zeppelin... and those of you who know that can understand that this guy is special. If it doesn't work out, I can always find him a good home. But, for now everything is working out just great. His name is on its way.... I have a feeling it's coming soon. We've all (dogs and cats) been going for walks in the woods and it's lots of fun. That's the best thing that helps the family adjust to the new situation- room to run and play and a natural setting. So... that's all for now..... more to come soon! I hope you all are well out there!! Much love!!

Quote of the day: "Change is a part of life- Go for it!!" ~LHB

A Return to Life as We Once Knew It.....

Well it's been a while (again...) since I've written- I've been wanting to, it's just a matter of making the time to do so. Alot has been happening. I've had some drama with my hillbilly neighbors- there were possom hunters in the woods behind my house (who hunts possums???) and they were shooting way too close to our houses. Not to get into all of the details (it's a long story) my neighbor began shooting at the hunters. To me- not a good idea! To him- it's self defense. So he shoots at the hunters and I think his shot is the hunters again. I was so fed up with it (it had been going on for hours now...) that I screamed to the hunters (knowing they could hear me as the shot was so close) "that's too close!!!". Now, first of all, I know that screaming that is a silly thing to do. But it's just what came out of my mouth in my frustration. But.... it was the neighbor's shot and he thought I was yelling at him. So then he proceeds to yell at me from his porch for about 5 minutes threatening to shoot me, my dog and my truck! My truck? Yes. Then my other neighbor Leo heard the yelling and came down (God bless him) and then the crazy neighbor came out ready to fight. I was actually pretty nervous, I thought he might have a gun. We ended up working it out- I explained the miscommunication and he then went on to tell me about the pride and joy in hunting and torturing animals, and it was really enlightening- I got to see how these people think, how their culture is, what they believe in. He told me they trap possums, feed them buttermilk and cornbread for a few months until they get "all fat and white and good and shiny", then they kill them and eat them and it's better than chicken. We talked about the mountain lion that lives in the area, and he told me of a mountain lion that tried to kill his grandmother's baby back in the day and she shot it. Anyways.... it was interesting to say the least.

I've been having a kind of rough time lately, just not feeling too well. Partly getting over being sick and fighting other colds and such off. Partly feeling stuck in a situation I don't want to be in. Job that is ok, I am grateful for, but would rather be doing something else. House I love but costs me everything I make, and I don't feel comfortable with because of crazy neighbors, bears and prowling mountain lions. The cold weather has really affected me alot more than I thought it would, and I think that was adding to alot of it. Yesterday it finally got warmer, in the 50's maybe, and I was done with work before dark and went running, then took the dogs for a walk, then made a fire and roasted marshmellows! It was so great. It made all the difference in the world. I didn't know how much not being able to be outside affected me. I need it. I need it often. So I'm glad spring is on it's way soon, but it's shown me how much I need warmer weather.

Blah blah blah blah. Enough about me!! But that's just a quick catch up. I'll share some more later...... I hope everyone is doing well.

And on the third day.....

Well I'm slowly returning to life after having a really rough time with the flu...... not fun!! I was on death's side of things (not literally, just felt like it) and boy, laying there lifeless for nearly three days gives you a different perspective on things. I think sickness is good for all of us every once in a while- sickness like that where you're so miserable and it's so opposite from normal life- and your spirit just has to be patient while your body is not functioning. I haven't had that for a while and it was actually good for me in the end- I probably just caught up on alot of rest that I needed for a while. Forced resting. I have alot to write about- alot to catch up on- of various subjects like possom hunters and Tennessee hillbilly dramas among other things. It's still cold here.... like I would expect it to be warm? It's mid-February. I've had enough cold weather. I'm ready to be able to be outside comfortably and easily. So I'll write again when I'm a little more coherent....

Thank you TLD.........


Not All Who Wander Are Lost.
-JRR Tolkien

Freedom lies at the heart of my willingness to lose everything.
-Alanis Morissette

Happy Snow Day! It started snowing yesterday and now at the house we've gotten I'd say a foot, although I haven't measured it. It's 17 degrees..... up from 10 when I woke up this morning! Yesterday when I was leaving work there was ice on all of the roads in town- cars were sliding everywhere- including me. We were all going 10-20 mph. Luckily the highway was ok- although mostly one lane. I started to wonder if I'd be able to make it home! The only other roads to take would have been much worse.
The mountains here are so beautiful. I've said it before, but I love to see the shape and curves of the earth as she rises up. When the snow is on the mountains, it seems you can see more of that- the different slopes of the land- little valleys and peaks all over.
All of the animals are happy. I think they all would like to be able to be outside more, but once it starts getting warmer that will happen. I wish I could have many more animals. I've been bringing vegetable scraps to the goats and chickens and ducks at my neighbors house. They are so happy to get fresh greens and fruit in the middle of winter! It's so fun to see them and interact with them. It's getting me one tiny step closer to having my own chickens, goats, etc. Some day.....
What a change it's been for the past 6-7 months. It's been a whirlwind over the past year+. Before I moved here I was free to go where I wanted. Now I feel that I don't have that. It's nice to have my own place and a job to be able to live, but it is also so nice to have freedom... I have to keep remembering that this is not the 'end of the road'...... this is what it is..... it's a beautiful area to live, wonderful to have a job and a home. I don't know if I'll be staying or going. I feel like I'm constantly moving. I don't know why I feel like there is something wrong with that. I guess because most people don't do that, and there is some sort of negativity with it, it seems. Many of the things I want in my life require being in one place for a while, and I just don't ever feel like I've found where that is. And it's hard trying to find a way to have land, animals, etc. I guess I'm feeling a little confused and restless. It's ok, just curious. Also having a house guest for the past 6 weeks hasn't given me much time or space to really focus on it. But everything has been a great learning opportunity. I am grateful for everything I have experienced and am experiencing- and I wonder where I'll be and what things will be like in the fall, next year, and in a few years.

Well I've gotten two responses so far from people who would like me to continue the postings....... I'm suprised! I didn't think anyone read this or found it the least bit interesting! So I will continue.......... and hopefully soon I'll have a little more time to get some new pictures up, etc.
I can't believe it's nearly February.... I'm finding that I was maybe in a little bit of a funk..... frustrated with work, life, and not finding the joy and freedom that I love. A friend called the other night and reminded me of that..... and I am so appreciative. It seems sometimes, as much as I love my solitude, that those precious people, and also animals and places- in my life at times are the ones who help me the most. Thank you all for that. Until next time........

Is anyone out there?

Well welcome back to me again... gosh its been a while since I last wrote- just about a month! Things have been a little busy (as usual). I've been getting myself much more balanced with work.... not giving too much of myself so I have something left afterwards. I think part of the problem is that I just don't want to be working in a big store every day. I'm not used to it and it's not good for my nature. I am thankful for the job, and I have been learning alot of good things. I have also met alot of really great people. There are not alot of job options in this area. So we'll see...

The weather has been cold!!! It was down to near zero and then in the teens........ too cold for me! Lately it's been warmer... in the 30's or so. I heard the other day that March is the coldest here! That's hard to believe.... but we'll see. The winter may be too long for me here..... I love the winter but want more warm weather than cold. I was snowed/iced in for a few days and it was really really nice to be able to really be in winter. It was much needed. I loved just being at home and it was cold and beautiful with the snow everywhere. Kane and I went for a long hike- it was about 18 degrees! It was nice. Very quiet in the forest. I haven't seen any bears- hopefully they're sleeping up on the mountains. Actually there is very little wildlife that I've seen- it's kind of strange. I did see a few deer and fox. There are alot of beautiful natural areas to explore in this area- I can't wait for spring.

I'm wondering if anyone reads this..... I feel like I'm just writing for myself, which is fine.... and I totally understand if noone is interested in reading this...... it may not be too interesting! But if anyone would like for me to continue this, please let me know. If not, I will probably end it or change to something different.

Upcoming adventures: I would love to go to Teotihuacan in February but I don't think I can do it with work. I'm thinking of making a trip to Seattle and the Northwest and California sometime soon. Also would like to make a trip to Kentucky in the spring. Among many other places!

When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.

When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.

There you can be sure
you are not beyond love...

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.


-David Whyte